Okay, I’ll get the rest of the stuff outta the way first. Saw Lord of the Rings Friday night and was blown away! WOW! Great movie, if you haven’t seen it yet, you’re nuts, go see it now! If you’ve already seen it, go again. Saturday I picked up the Tenacious D CD and it RULES! Funny ass shit, buy it now! I was a bit confused as to why Camelot (Fye now) put it under Heavy Metal considering it’s two guys screwing around on acoustic guitars for most of the album but I assume it’s the devil looking guy on the cover that did it. Sunday I watched the Washington Capitals suck against the Carolina Hurricanes. Wait, not suck, really, they ended up with a 5-5 tie when Carolina’s 11 points ahead of them in the Eastern Conference (I think that’s where they stand) but, man, the Caps could not get it together. Okay, they were down 2-0 in the first 2:10 minutes and ended up tying, okay, that’s fine, but, ugh. Lots of blown chances and bad calls. Great game, though, I hadn’t been to a hockey game in close to 15 years. Good times.

Okay, Friday evening, before LotR…

I got off of work early, yea me. So, on my way home I figure I’d stop by the comic store to get my weekly fix (if you haven’t picked up on it yet, I’m a dork). Well, I go into my usual haunt (a really BIG dork) and there are two guys in there, Jim who runs the place (first name basis with owner = HUGE dork) and some customer he’s helping find something. Fair enough. I grab a few books and start looking for my bag (bag = subscriptions = GARGANTUAN dork). Then I hear the line that starts my weekend off with a bang.

“What did you just put in your pocket?”

Not to me, no, Jim was talking to the other guy who just said “what?” and “it’s just my beer” and pulled out his beer to show off, a nice tall can of Icehouse and obviously not his first. So Jim insists and I just stand there. Now, where Jim’s got this guy he’s cornered (unless he knocks stuff down) and where I’m standing is pretty much the only way out should he get around Jim (or knock stuff down), so I act as if nothings up, I don’t want to get this guy riled up yet. Jim says to give him the stuff and he won’t call the cops (they always say that, don’t they?) and the guy pulls three comics outta his pants.

Now..

1) those things will never EVER be able to be sold again.

2) three comics, two of one issue, one of another, so two comics really

3) they weren’t even big comics, old X-Men that are probably cover price, so a total of MAYBE $10.

So, this guy’s trying to shoplift a few comics. Okay, great. I’m calling him Moron here on out. More reasons why coming up.

So, Jim says he’s gonna call the cops now. The guy freaks a bit and pushes his way past Jim who, while not a small guy, is kinda old and what not. In steps me. I get in the way, the guy pushes a bit more, Jim grabs him from behind, the guy struggles a wee bit and then stops. Jim asks if I’ve got him, I say sure, and he goes for the phone.

So it’s me and Moron. He’s leaning on me, breathing heavy, I smell the beer, I figure he’s trying to pick me up or something. He takes a step back, looks at his hands which he clenches and then he leans into me again, hard this time, trying to get through.

Then he sucker punches me twice upside the head.

Now I’m pissed.

I grab Moron and he pulls back, the two of us stumbling into a couple book racks and knocking them down. He turns and thanks to his big ass and slick winter coat slips from me and I stumble but thanks to his big ass and slick winter coat I grab onto him again and pull myself upright and grab him again.

Now, Marie’s Books and Things (the store that is named after Jim’s wife) is a cramped place, maybe two feet of room to walk through in it’s total of three aisles. And there’s lots of shit on the floor. So, all this struggling and stuff knocks a few things over and feet become tangled.

We fall and I somehow end up on bottom, my head hitting the floor and Moron getting to his feet. Of course, he proceeds to kick me and one foot comes inches from stomping on my head. I’m REALLY pissed. I grabbed one of his legs and thought “ooo…I could kick him in the nuts!” but then common sense kicked in. Okay, while it may hurt him in the long run, he was drunk and could have shrugged it off and had leverage on his side so, had he chosen to retaliate with his heel and little more weight, well, I could have said bye bye to any thought of Jason Jr’s running around.

So I hold on to his leg tight. Jim comes around the counter from the phone and jumps on Moron’s back, who just shrugs him off and the proceeds to pound on the top of Jim’s head. And now Jim’s on my legs, pinning me down and ruining any chance of me getting up.

Moron struggles a bit, breaks free from me holding his feet, and is out the door.

I check on Jim, run out the door, Moron’s gone.

Okay, now I’m REALLY PISSED!

I wanted blood now. That bastard was a dead man if I found him. I hesitated to punch him then, I wouldn’t do it again, that’s for sure. Oh, and Jim and I had plenty of time to steam cause it took the cops FIFTEEN MINUTES to get there. Yep. Marie’s is about 5-7 blocks from police hq yet it took them 15 minutes to get someone there. ARUGH!

So, the cops show up and we start giving a description when another call comes over his scanner. Seems they have someone that kinda matches the description not too far away. GREAT!

Ends up Moron ran out the store and ducked into a flower shop in the same strip with Marie’s. The guy there called the cops about this drunk moron and Moron ran out the door, went a block away, sat down and cracked open his delicious Icehouse. So, the police caught him.

Jim went down and ID’d him and that was that, the bastard was caught and I’m still pissed. I want a piece of him. Grrrr….

Mike McGee put it best: ” Who the fuck steals comic books, anyway? That’s actually the most encouraging thing I’ve heard about the industry in years.”

Anyways, that started my weekend.

So, how was yours?

December 31st, 2001 at 9:26 am | Tags: Uncategorized