2001 In Review
3/22/05 UPDATE: Greetings, FredTalk people! First off, hope ya feel good about attacking a FOUR YEAR OLD for your own political pleasure. Kudos. Second, hell, if you think this is of use, you should see all the things Shaun did in 2001 that I didn’t post about! Well, for the sake of full disclosure and honesty and all that other kinda stuff, I give to you the new “Director’s Cut” of 2001 In Review (Additions will be in blue
I lied Happy 2002, everyone! Hope your New Years Eve celebrations ruled. I didn’t drink nearly as much as I would have liked, so I’m making plans for the weekend. WOO!
New Years Resolution: I think I’m going to try and exercise more, but my priority right now is to eat. Yep, I need to eat. Lunch. Mmmmm….
2001 in Review Hell, everyone else does it for less important things, so here’s J’s 2001 month by month!
Jan - After working at Borders of Fredericksburg for over three years, Jason leaves for greener pastures as an admin assistant/file clerk at Brand & Frulla in Washington DC. I also assisted my brother in the defeating of barbarian hordes from some place called Canada. Shaun bathed in their blood. Good times.
Feb - Jason celebrates his first anniversary with his first girlfriend Jenn. They get all dressed up and go to fancy places like the New York Diner and Toys R Us to celebrate. Shaun kicked a puppy while I laughed.
Mar - Jason turns 22. Jonathan Peter Kenney, son of Jason’s older brother Shaun Kenney and his fiance Missy Grieves, is born, the first child of the next generation of Kenneys. The world cries for it’s continuing suffering. Shaun pointed out a loophole in his contract with the Devil, thereby keeping his first born son. Devil swears revenge.
Apr - Jenn turns 23. Shaun acted as a “dirty hippie” and did nothing all month.
May - Uh…I don’t remember May. Shaun swore FredTalk would be the death of him.
June - Shaun and Missy get married, Jason is an usher. After his marriage, Shaun finally reveals the existance of his son, explaining to anyone that asks that Missy had a three month old kid so quick because of “magic”.
July - Um….was there a July? All questioners from June “magically” disappear.
August - or even an August? WAIT! J’s Notes started by a bored Jason as a joke, but it catches on so he takes it a bit more seriously. Shaun kicked another puppy. I wet myself from laughter.
September - Everyone was touched in some manner by the events of the 11th. Jason was working in DC, two blocks from the White House. While he was safe, his entire family panicked about his safety. They also thought he was stupid as hell when he told them how he walked to the White House while everything was going down, just to “see if anything was happening”. A cevacious cyst on Jason’s leg gets sliced open and it has to heal from the inside out. For the next week and a half Jason bitches about having to stuff the thing with gauss, but Jenn beats the shit out of him and he gets over it. Helped Shaun destroy all evidence of that year he spent following the Dead.
October - Being the guy that handles the main at his job and happening to get a cold, Jason is convinced by his friends and family to get tested for Anthrax. Never hearing back from the hospital, Jason assumes he’s okay and simply finishes his two week prescription and leave the other unfilled, giving him a neat memento. FredTalk kills Shaun.
November - Bongwater Bowl IV occurs as the Pimpskins lose to the Commies 10-8 after being down 7-2 at the half. Second half is dominated by the running game established by the Pimpskins. Shaun is dead.
December - Jason’s mom moves to California marking the fartest mother has been from her children since they were born. The family does the whole “good bye” thing and she’s off. Art Kenney, the brother one year younger than Jason, gets engaged. Inevitable ribbing of Jason and Jenn is prepared for. Christmas comes and goes. Jason gets beaten in a comic store, but the offender is caught and Jason’s still pissed. New Years comes, Jason doesn’t drink nearly enough, but it was good nonetheless and it’s 2002. Figuring we look enough alike, I decide I will pretend to be Shaun and simply prop him up at my work desk in my place. I think I’ll run for House of Delegates in a few years…
Whew, that enough for ya? No? well, I’ll have more later, okay? Settle for that then!
