SUV, truck owners get a big tax break

Karl Wizinsky wasn’t thinking about buying a new vehicle, and certainly not a big SUV. So why is there a brand-new $47,000 Ford Excursion sitting in his driveway?

He was able to write off $32,000 of the purchase price as a business expense.

“We really did it because it was a pretty hefty deduction,” said Wizinsky, a health care consultant in Novi.

At the same time the tax code sanctions $30,000 write-offs for SUVs, prospective purchasers of a fuel-efficient hybrid vehicles qualify for a relatively small $4,000 tax credit.

Five Technically Legal Signs for Your Library

“WE’VE BEEN WORKING really hard, and we’ve really pulled out all the stops. Look at what we’ve got,” said Jeffrey Skilling, the president of Enron in 1997. “We did 20 million last year. We think we can do 120 million this year.”

And it’s supposed to be a joke.

Cash for CDs

Part-time waitress gets $10,000 tip from customer for toddler son

Top Ten Gaming Grails

Shore wish we had us a “crazy guys in airplanes” defense system, but what the heck, right?

The 50 Most Loathsome People in America, 2002

1. ANN COULTER

Misdeeds: Goebbels with tits. The phenomenon we all should have seen coming; the merger of bimbo sex appeal and neo-fascist vituperation. In an age when every Hollywood hero is a CIA administrator and people express their rebelliousness by playing the stock market, it only makes sense that we’d have a sex symbol who lobbies to massacre foreigners and forcibly convert the survivors to Christianity. Charlene Tilton seems a distant memory.

Aggravating Factors: Explaining political sympathies: “I love Texas Republicans! They’re these beautiful women, they’re so great-looking, they’re completely loaded. They’re dripping in this gorgeous jewelry.” Believes John Walker Lindh should be executed, so college liberals will understand that “they can be killed, too.”

Aesthetic: Eva Braun meets Sex and the City meets Alpha Rho Lambda.

Hell, I didn’t make the list. Guess I got to try harder.

McDonald’s Watches Money Go Down The Drain Like so many of their meals quickly do after consumption. Constipated? Have a McBurger.

The Internet?s first Anti-Eggnog Weblog

We acknowledge that eggnog is a vile substance, that its consumption leads to mental instability, devil worship, even PDM (Public Displays of Miming). It is our mission to educate the public and prevent our youth from succumbing to the evils of the Nog Empire.

Yeah, I have to agree, eggnog’s some nasty shit.

It is looking like J’s Notes will break 50,000 hits today. Woo!

Calculus Girls

The City Mantis looks pretty stupid, if you ask me. How about you save yourself some money and buy a damn bike.

Super Mario Brothers 2 was a rip off Is that really a surprize to anyone? Most games popular here (especially those from Nintendo in the late 80s, early 90s) are variations of Japenese games. They simply changed characters to make it more marketable to an American audience. How is that any different than, say, using the Quake engine to make another first person shooter?

Indiana Jones 4 teaser crap Just finish the damn movie already!

What the hell is Chu-paku? It’s a boob with a body!

Bush43 #6:

“Welcome To The Nuthouse”

by Jason S. Kenney

Cast In Stone #4:

“Wretchedness”

by C. William Russette

http://www.digitallymystic.com/sites/fiction/ac

“Do you think you need help, Mister Carter?”

“No, I don’t think I need any help,” I said. “And the name’s Bush43.”

“Bush43,” asked the man, “can I please speak with Jeffery Carter?”

I rolled my eyes.

“Jesus Christ, man, someone in this room needs help but it sure as hell ain’t me.”

The man sighed and opened a folder he held.

“Jeffery Scott Carter, born September 3rd, 1978 in Baltimore, Maryland, United States to Michael and Elizabeth Carter, both deceased. Oh my, very recently, too.” He looked to me. “My condolences.”

“Sure,” I said, starting to move a bit and pull at the clamps that held my arms and legs to the chair. “Listen, this is all really fascinating and I’m sure you’ve got some great stories in there, but would you mind releasing me so I can kick your ass or something?”

“Mister Carter, such outbursts are completely unnecessary. You will get out of here when you are cured.”

“Cured, yeah, sure, hey, you know what? I feel better already! Yeah, wow, I don’t know what you did but I feel GREAT!”

“Bush43,” the man continued reading, “was first sighted July 10th of 2001 when he stopped a mugging of a young couple in Bristol Park.” The man paused and looked at me. “Good for you.”

“Thanks,” I said, stopping my struggling.

“This is about four months after your parents died during the Imperial Magistrate’s attack, correct?”

“Who the hell are you?” I asked. “And where the hell am I?”

“My name is Doctor William Tage and you are currently in Alhazred Asylum. And if you hope to ever leave here, Mister Carter, I suggest you begin cooperating with me.”

Astounding revelations! This week we reveal the ORIGIN STORY of Bush43! Yes, he *really* is a mutant from another planet sent as a baby to our world where the powers of his metal skeleton are enchanced by our sun! You heard it here first!

Also released is the latest epistle from our resident ‘evil’, Mister C. William Russette. Another slice of ‘Barker Noir’ in “Cast In Stone” #4 for all you good, good people to enjoy.

More tea, vicar? - only at AC.

Tis the season And, with Christmas around the corner, I thought I’d dig up an old present for everyone.

J’s Notes is proud to present… A Christmas Carol Starring Jesus!

Grade 6 class taught to snort cocaine

The parents of a Grade 6 student have pulled their daughter out of a “Substance Use and Abuse” class at a Hamilton school after a teacher gave a step-by-step lesson on how to snort cocaine.

Linda Harley, mother of Caitlin, an 11-year-old girl who attended Chedoke Middle School, said the teacher used white chalk to first draw a circle on the blackboard to represent a mirror or piece of glass, a surface from which cocaine is often inhaled.

The teacher then drew dots on the circle to represent the white powder and students were shown how the dots are pushed together into lines that are then snorted through a tube, Mrs. Harley said…

“I explained to them exactly what my daughter said to me and the teacher said that was exactly what happened. It wasn’t an exaggeration,” she said.

She was told the details were needed so the children could easily identify the drug if they are ever in a room where it is in use, Mrs. Harley said.

Mary-Jane Black, vice-principal of Chedoke Middle School, said the blackboard demonstration is not part of the normal lesson plan but was in response to a student’s question about how cocaine affects the nasal passages.

“Out of the 160-odd Grade 6 students who receives that particular program, there was only a question from two parents, so it is not a concern,” she said.

Breaking All The Rules

Just when you thought it was over…. All Your Smurf Are Belong To Smurf

Reindeer Gets Castrated

I just got on part of Jenn’s Christmas present. It’s going to rule!

Cardinal Law Resigns

Hitman 2 Christmas Game

Lottery Lollapalooza

The odds of winning the lottery’s Fantasy 5 game are 1-in 575,000. For SuperLotto, 1-in-41 million.

And the chance of winning both jackpots on the same day?

“This is just amazing, astronomical,” said Stanford University statistics professor Tom Cover as he calculated the probability of the doubleheader. “Oh brother.”

One-in-23.575 trillion.

Angelo Gallina beat those incredible odds, and on Wednesday the Belmont retiree claimed his payoff — $6.6 million, after taxes, for holding the winning tickets from both the SuperLotto and the Fantasy 5 games on Nov. 20.

Froogle

WWTSD?

$10 Laptop? Yeah, here’s the deal. They’re selling a bunch of ebooks for only $10. I buy them and then get a referral link. Now, when I refer three people, that goes towards your computer. When those three people refer three more each, those go towards my computer as well as their own. And so on and so on until you have six tiers filled.

To fill those six tiers you need 364 people to buy this book thanks to you or people you know or people who know the people you know and so on.

The Jesus Market

CHRISTIAN MERCHANDISING TODAY has many mansions. Start with faith-on-your-sleeve fashion, such as the T-shirts promoting J.Christ instead of J. Crew, Fruit of the Spirit instead of Fruit of the Loom, Christ Supreme instead of Krispy Kreme. This “witness wear,” a manufacturer’s rep explains, evokes the familiar logo without quite crossing the line to trademark infringement–”We have lawyers.”

A half-dozen companies produce Scripture-clad candy. Some truncated verses on wrappers work nicely: “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Others could use a bit more context: “Because thou art lukewarm . . . I will spew you out of my mouth”–not a sentiment one expects from a peppermint.

Then there’s the Bible Bar, featuring the seven foods listed in Deuteronomy 8:8–”Nutrition As God Intended.” “The Women of Color Study Bible.” The Last Supper jigsaw puzzle. And the “Depend Upon Christ the King” rubber ducky.

The American administration is a bloodthirsty wild animal

Earlier this year, I had a major operation for cancer. The operation and its after effects were something of a nightmare. I felt I was a man unable to swim bobbing about under water in a deep dark endless ocean. But I did not drown and I am very glad to be alive.

However, I found that to emerge from a personal nightmare was to enter an infinitely more pervasive public nightmare - the nightmare of American hysteria, ignorance, arrogance, stupidity and belligerence; the most powerful nation the world has ever known effectively waging war against the rest of the world.

“If you are not with us, you are against us,” President George W. Bush has said. He has also said: “We will not allow the world’s worst weapons to remain in the hands of the world’s worst leaders.” Quite right. Look in the mirror, chum. That’s you.

SUV careens into crowd of people; two dead, 17 injured

Donahue about to get the ax?

‘Idol’ Talk

KELLY Clarkson may not be the doe-eyed amateur she appeared to be when she won “American Idol” last summer.

Clarkson may have already had a recording contract - and was in the middle of making a record for someone else - when she showed up to audition for the show, Star magazine is reporting.

If true, that means Clarkson may have violated the show’s rule about being an amateur with no prior professional singing experience.

Now, this “Star” magazine, is this the same one that’s a tabloid? Bah, unless it’s in the Weekly World News, it’s rubbish.

Rocky VI?

You’ve heard the saying “Christ on a cracker”, right? Try Christ on the Crapper

Did Christ take a dump? Did he fart, float air-biscuits, or squeeze cheese? Did he take a leak, whizz, drain the vein, or squeeze weenie juice?

Of course he did. If you think Jesus never pinched a loaf, you’re fooling yourself. Jesus was a man. Son of God, charlatan, alien or fictional character, he was a living being. As Taro Gomi’s book so eloquently put it, Everyone Poops. Even the King of Kings. (That part was left out, though.)

Supposedly George W. Bush is being sued by Margie Schoendinger.

III.

Eventually the harassment increased to the point where Plaintiff took the step of writing letters directly to the Federal Bureau of Investigation, Houston Office. Instead of assisting Plaintiff with her concerns, the FBI took on the same demeanor as the Sugar Land Police Department. Eventually, Plaintiff learned, via telephone conversations, that both the Sugar Land Police Department and the Houston Office of the Federal Bureau of Investigations were acting at the behest of the Defendant, George W. Bush. As a part of their defense, the Sugar Land Police Department conducted a background investigation into Plaintiff’s past activities. In the end, this investigation yielded the following information: Plaintiff had seven dates, (which became seven lovers), had told no lies, committed no crimes, gotten 2 traffic tickets and dated George W. Bush as a minor…

VI.

Now Plaintiff continues to be threatened. According to the office of the Defendant and the Defendant, Plaintiff s background has been ruined, Plaintiff will never be able to have a clean credit bureau, Plaintiff’s husband will never be able to find a job, Plaintiff degrees will continue to be expunged as well as any other achievement on Plaintiff’s parts, Plaintiff will be placed on an AIDs watch list for the rest of her life, watched by the CIA, harassed by the Secret Service, placed on the National Security Agency’s Photo Array, (which would cause Plaintiff to be considered as a suspect in any crime where the suspect remotely fits Plaintiff s description), Plaintiffs home is under surveillance in a manner that is fully recordable in all aspects and this surveillance is able to be loaded onto an internet page within minutes; including but not limited to prison Web sites, military web sites and any internet locale that might cause Plaintiff to be killed, raped, beaten or put in harms way. Moreover, the Defendant took personal responsibility for these decisions, explaining to Plaintiff that committing suicide would be her best option as in his opinion; Plaintiff is essentially dead in any case. No matter what Plaintiff’s background was before, no matter how pristine, Plaintiff would be destroyed completely. At this point, the question repeatedly became whether or not the Defendant could have fathered the child and whether or not the hospital had actually collected the pathology on the unborn child. Finally, we decided that Plaintiff should be killed rather than being harassed to the point of committing suicide. However, the defendant stated he could not convince anyone he could trust to keep the secret to do this for him. The decision then became that the defendant should kill the Plaintiff personally. Instead of following through and just killing Plaintiff’, defendant decided to go forth and ruin Plaintiff’s life instead. This is the cause of Plaintiff filing this lawsuit.

This is pretty…. interesting. It was filed by the Plaintiff herself, seemingly without legal counsel, which is kinda hard because if this has even a shred of support someone would have picked her up pro bono.

And this article is, of course, all over the Indymedia circuit.

I think it’s a hoax, but rape is a serious thing and it should be looked into.

dubyadubyadubya.com

Google Webquotes

Google Viewer This is kinda cool. You can see the pages cited by the search results and it’ll scroll through them for ya or you can do it yourself. Very neat.

“Man who catch fly with chopstick can accomplish anything.”

nastystart.org is a great site.

Texan loses bid to regain gun rights

The Supreme Court blocked felons from going straight to court to get their gun rights restored, rejecting arguments today that those people have nowhere else to go.

Justices didn’t get into the constitutional arguments. In a brief decision, they ruled unanimously that courts can intervene only after the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms has rejected a request.

However, Congress already has barred the ATF from considering such requests. The high court’s message for a Texas man who wanted to get around the ban: too bad.

Oral sex linked to cancer of the mouth

“How’s that?” I wondered. And, before I could read the article…

“It’s probably the human papilloma virus,” says Jenn.

Well, let’s see…

New research to be published next year will provide powerful evidence that oral sex can cause mouth cancer.

Doctors who first suggested a form of mouth cancer could be linked to the same sexually transmitted virus that causes cervical cancer have found more data to back their controversial theory. Two years ago, the group from Johns Hopkins University in the US published a paper suggesting the human papilloma virus (HPV), the cause of most cervical cancer, can also cause mouth cancer.

Well, hell, she’s right!

“It’s also a possible cause of cervical cancer,” Jenn says, happy in her superiority over me in the area of useless knowledge. Well, not entirely useless, but still.

PS: Jenn says there’s now a vaccine being developed for HPV.

Pumpkin’s Super Flash Adventure

The Periodic Table of Comic Books I’d seen this a few years back, but Everlasting Blort reminded me of it.

Post-It Theater

Catch Jacko’s babies Watch out for crappy albums.

This is one messed up computer.

We Didn’t Start the Fire

Pot. It’s not just for brownies anymore.

Amy Fisher has a column.

Court finds record labels plotted to raise CD prices

A groundbreaking court decision has ruled music fans will get cash back as compensation for inflated compact disc prices as early as next year.

Late last month, the world’s five largest record labels and the United States’ three biggest music retailers were found guilty of collusion and were ordered to pay consumers more than $143 million.

The New York attorney general first initiated the class action lawsuit three years ago, but attorney generals in 43 states and three U.S. protectorates later aided the case. Industry analysts estimate the settlement will break down to roughly $20 a person, with the remaining $76 million funneled into CDs distributed to charities and other nonprofit organizations such as public libraries and schools. Artists and songwriters will not be compensated for low sales associated with the increased prices of their CDs.

Really? Bad ass! Go get those damn industry folks.

Hell, let’s take a look at the CD industry, shall we? They’re bitching about sales being down 7-15% over the last few years and are trying to blame the internet and file sharing. But let’s take a look at the CDs themselves, shall we? I remember when a CD cost ten bucks. Yep, $10. Now they’re upwards of $18-23 for ONE DISK! Remember when these things first came out and everyone was saying they’d be cheaper than tapes cause they were cheaper to make? Never happened! Wanna know why sales are down, economic geniuses? It’s because you’re pricing yourself out of sales! I refuse to spend fifty bucks on only two CDs, that’s crap! Hell, three CDs is a pinch!

And what happened to competition driving prices down? I mean, when you have two labels churning out roughly the same crap (Backstreet Boys v. NSync, Britney v. Christina) shouldn’t a price war have ensued? Something to make folks buy one pile of shit over the other? Isn’t that what capitalism is about? But, no, they kept the prices high.

Ultimately, when did the music industry become exempt to supply and demand?