I LIKE THE MOON!

Bill Mauldin

1921-2003

Doodle!

Yeah, I just raided the hell out of Reenhead.

Gollum At the Golden Globes

Kim Jong II is a freakin’ BAD ASS!

Recording Firms Win Copyright Ruling

An Internet service provider must turn over the identity of one of its customers suspected of illegally trading music files, a federal judge ruled yesterday, handing the recording industry a powerful new weapon in its efforts to crack down on what it considers digital piracy.

In a closely watched test case of how much anonymity Internet users can expect, U.S. District Judge John D. Bates ordered the online division of Verizon Communications Inc. to give the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) the name of a Verizon customer who had downloaded as many as 600 songs a day using the popular Kazaa music-file-sharing service.

I don’t normally give props to corporations, but I really gotta give some credit for Verizon for fighting this fight. Most businesses would take the easy (and cheaper) way out and just give it up, but here they’re fighting. I hope this one person’s thankful, the one that the whole fight is over now. And I hope the rest of Verizon’s customer’s are thankful that they’re going to keep fighting.

YouThink.com For those that love polls.

Women’s taste in men ‘flavoured by pill’

Women’s taste in men could vary depending on whether they are taking the contraceptive pill, researchers claim.

Psychologists say taking the contraceptive may lead to women choosing men with a “macho” appearance, as opposed to those with more feminine features.

During tests, scientists at St Andrews and Stirling Universities showed female subjects different images of men and asked which one they would select as a potential long-term companion.

Women who were on the pill were more attracted to men with strong masculine features but the reverse was true of women not taking the contraceptive.

Huh.

UPC Letter to Rite Aid

On behalf of United Poultry Concerns, a national nonprofit organization with 10,000 members nationwide, I request that you please stop selling the rubber plucked chicken lollipop. It is offensive and unfunny. It encourages children and others to regard animal suffering and death as amusing-often amusing enough to inflict. We respectfully request Rite Aid to rid its counters of the sadistic lollipop immediately. It suggests the idea of forcing an object down an animal’s throat as well as oral sex. The tag (with No. 4435 written on it) says this obscene object is for “Ages 3 and up.”

Wait, wait, wait, wait. A lollipop promotes oral sex? Well, damn. I did not know that.

Celebrity Backs

‘For God’s sake there is a cow peeing on me. It’s a bovine golden shower!’

Nation States Create your own country and rules the world! SWEET!

What is it with folks thinking this Tucker Carlson guy’s good looking? You know, the guy on Crossfire. I mean, okay, maybe it’s because he’s side by side with James “I Scare Little Children Into Therapy” Carville, but I think it comes down to one thing, and it’s one thing that really bothers me.

His freakin’ bow tie.

Think about it. Bow ties look like crap. They’re just there. Might as well just go without a tie at all. Much smoother.

So, in the name of science and in an effort to determine what does look cool in a bow tie, I conducted an experiment using The Scientific Mehod:

1) I determined that Tucker Carlson looks like a dork.

2) Being that he looks like a dork in his bow tie, I formed the hypothesis that:

Bow Ties Make You Look Like A Dork Unless You Are:

a) Over the age of 50

b) A Hot Lady

c) Pee Wee Herman

3) Having stated the hypothesis, I tested it by observing the bow tie on various people and things.
Me (dork):

My Cat, Pantera (cool):

South Park Me (sexy cool):

Tofurkey (smooth):

Also during this phase, I conducted a survey to determine the public’s feelings on such an objective topic as the definition of “dork”.

Survey:

Question 1: Do people who wear bow ties look like dorks?
Yes: 100%
No: 0%

Question 2: Isn’t Jason the damn sexiest man you ever did see?
Yes: 180%
No: -300%

(Results from the “Kenney Institute of Bow Tie’s Make People Look Like Dorks” and “The Jason Kenney Is A Damn Sexy Beast Foundation” - Results from survey of a handful of people purposefully chosen for this survey.)

4) Based off of these comparrisons, I modified my hypothesis to the following:

Bow Ties Make You Look Like A Dork Unless You Are:

a) Over the age of 50
b) A Hot Lady
c) Pee Wee Herman
d) Pantera
e) An Animation or An Object
f) Wearing a Tux (forgot that the first time around)

5) I continued to test my hypothesis in order to find results that supported my hypothesis, ignoring anything that defied it, like a good little person with an objective opinion determining that my hypothesis was indeed correct and therefore I am right.

Pez Bear (sweet ass sweet) - Object:

Darth Vader (damn fine lookin’ cat) - Animation:

Nuclear Explosion (BADASS!) - Object:

Stated in a mathematical sense, we’re faced with the following equation:

A + B = C

Where:
A = A Person
B = A Bow Tie
C = Dork

While

B + D = E

Where:
B = Bow Tie
D = The above categories exempted from looking like a dork in a bow tie
E = Smooth

So, yeah, Tucker Carlson is not the ladies man many would like him to be. He’s a pundit in a bow tie getting paid for his opinion. And he looks like a dork.

And, to those of you who say I’m just jealous, well… um… you’re wrong. Yeah.

UPDATE: Thanks to Short Strange Trip for a link.

Professor X Would Be Pissed!

Fans Howl in Protest as Judge Decides X-Men Aren’t Human

Judge Judith Barzilay huddled late last year with a telepathic professor and a cast of mutants to ponder an age-old question: What does it mean to be human?

In her chambers at the U.S. Court of International Trade, in New York, the judge examined Prof. X and the rest of his band of X-Men, all of them little plastic figures at the heart of a six-year tariff battle between their owner, Marvel Enterprises Inc., and the U.S. Customs Service.

Her ruling thundered through the world of Marvel Comics fans. The famed X-Men, those fighters of prejudice sworn to protect a world that hates and fears them, are not human, she decreed Jan. 3. Nor are many of the villains who do battle with Spiderman and the Fantastic Four. They’re all “nonhuman creatures,” concluded Judge Barzilay.

Marvel subsidiary Toy Biz Inc. pushed Judge Barzilay to declare its heroes nonhuman so it could win a lower duty rate on action figures imported from China in the mid-1990s. At the time, tariffs put higher duties on dolls than toys. According to the U.S. tariff code, human figures are dolls, while figures representing animals or “creatures,” such as monsters and robots, are deemed toys.

To Brian Wilkinson, editor of the online site X-Fan (x-mencomics.com/xfan/), Marvel’s argument is appalling. The X-Men — mere creatures? “This is almost unthinkable,” he says. “Marvel’s super heroes are supposed to be as human as you or I. They live in New York. They have families and go to work. And now they’re no longer human?”

Chuck Austen, current author of Marvel’s “Uncanny X-Men” comic-book series, is also incredulous. He has worked hard for a year, he says, to emphasize the X-Men’s humanity, to show “that they’re just another strand in the evolutionary chain.”

Marvel issued this statement: “Don’t fret, Marvel fans, our heroes are living, breathing human beings — but humans who have extraordinary abilities … . A decision that the X-Men figures indeed do have ‘nonhuman’ characteristics further proves our characters have special, out-of-this world powers.”

Okay, now I’m a comic fan and all, but, uh, what’s the big deal if they label the figures “non-human”? It’s not like they use “but they’re just like the rest of us!” as slogans on the products or to market them. Besides, it’s just a comic book, they’re fictional, money is real and, really, that’s what this comes down to. MONEY.

Bloggers continue to call ANSWER out.

A Predicted outcome of Gulf War 2 I could go on about how inaccurate this is, but I’ll let you all see for yourself.

I keep finding my cat buried under a pile of blankets in an attempt to keep warm. And she hates being in confining places. Poor thing.

Jenn likes to say that if this cat could say four words to me, and those four words were “I want a pony,” that this cat would have a pony.

And she’s probably right.

God help us all if I have a daughter sometime in my life…

Hot Republican Babes

No, not John Ritter…

Reports claim Ritter arrested in sex sting

Scott Ritter, the former weapons inspector who says President Bush should be impeached for his Iraq policy, was secretly arrested and prosecuted in New York a year and a half ago after allegedly being caught in an Internet sex sting, say law enforcement sources in published reports.

The Schenectady Daily Gazette and New York Daily News report Ritter was arrested in June 2001 for allegedly having an online sexual discussion with someone he thought was an underage girl. It turns out that “girl” was really an undercover police investigator, according to the Daily News whose sources spoke on condition of anonymity.

Huh. Does this mean what he’s saying about Iraq is less credible? Well, no, but, still. ‘Huh’ just the same. (Not that I agree with what he’s saying, but this has nothing to do with the arguement and is merely an interesting side note.) (Oh, and thanks, Page.)

I am most like The Gaffer

Sam’s father always has a pulse on the events of the Shire. If you need to know what is happening, he can fill you in.

You are sensitive and not likely to withhold your emotions. Your anticpation of doom may cause others tension. Social interaction energizes you. The more people the merrier. You have good observational skills. While providing compassion and being considerate, you may have the tendency of being soft-hearted or even “too emotional” You try to schedule your life as much as possible. You tend to finish your work before resting.

As Sam says:”I have something to do before the end. I must see it through, sir, if you understand.”

Traits: Dependable, beneficient, usually living in the past. On the dark side you could be a hoarder.

Take the Lord Of The Rings Personality Test

Al Hirschfeld

June 21, 1903 - January 20, 2003

alhirschfeld.com

Mike Porter pointed to a good listing of Women and Minority Statistics Concerning Congress

Glenn Reynolds is going off on ANSWER’s connections to the Worker’s Party and other anti-American ties. You know, the group that organized the anti-war rallies this weekend.

BUSTED!

IRS Committed Fraud, Apeals Court Rules

A federal appeals court has ruled the Internal Revenue Service committed fraud and acted deceptively after giving secret deals to two pilots in return for their testimony against 1,300 other pilots who had bought into the same tax shelters.

The 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals on Friday overturned a previous ruling against the pilots who were found guilty of tax evasion and were ordered to pay more than $2 billion in penalties.

Truthfully, I think plea deals are crap no matter what. Okay, we got you on this, but if you confess and speak out against the guy who isn’t talking, we’ll cut you a deal. Nevermind that you could be lying, but we’ll say you’re telling the truth because, since the other guy’s ‘guilty’ of course they’re gonna say you’re lying, but since you’re on our side, the jury’s gonna love ya. What do ya say?

BAH!

“I’m not dead yet!” shouts a defiant BinLaden.

Newspaper: Bin Laden Letter Urges Islamic Groups to Unite in Fight Against ‘Crusader Coalition’

A statement purportedly written by Usama bin Laden urges Muslims to stop fighting each other and unite against the “crusader coalition” that is attacking the Islamic world, according to excerpts published Sunday in a London-based Arab newspaper.

Asharq Al-Awsat printed portions of a 26-page statement it claims was written and signed by bin Laden, leader of the Al Qaeda terror group.

The letter did not mention any nation, but earlier statements attributed to bin Laden and other Al Qaeda leaders have accused the United States and Israel of launching a religious crusade against the Muslim world.

Sounds like a broken record lately. Usama, man, you need some new material. The audience is dying out here.

Livelog is yet another free journal kinda site if anyone’s interested.

Firm claims HIV cure

A SINGAPOREAN pharmaceutical firm specialising in traditional Chinese medicine said today that it was ready to test and market pills that can cure the virus that causes AIDS.

Richard Ong, managing director of Herose Pharma International, said trials conducted on AIDS patients in Cambodia five years ago using pills originally designed for skin disorders yielded positive results.

“We did some testing on AIDS patients in Cambodia in 1998,” Ong told AFP.

“We found that it is positive … the patients experienced recovery in their conditions,” he said.

But health officials in the city-state have warned the company to hold off on planned human trials until it gets official permission.

Hmmmm….. Tonic anyone?

Top-paid H.S. teachers are making a bundle

Doug Blundy earned $137,984 as math department chairman, athletic director and volleyball and softball coach at Crystal Lake Central High School in the far northwest suburbs.

Terry Lewis earned $130,584 as a driver education teacher, athletic director, football coach and summer work-program coordinator at Harper High School in Chicago.

The two were the top-paid public high school teachers in the suburbs and city in 2001-02, according to a first-of-its-kind list assembled by the Chicago Sun-Times.

Blundy’s a 34 year veteran. Another 24 year veteran makes over 100k. Guess what? They’re both GUYS! I wonder how many female teachers make that much. Just wondering.

Man Kills Himself with Home-Made Guillotine The title says it all.

Return of the Kings Protest

This website is the home of the organization protesting against the third installment of the J.R.R. Tolkien Lord Of The Rings movie being named “The Return of the King”.

We feel the makers of the LOTR films are using the death of Elvis Presley as a marketing tool for their movie, and are petitioning to have the name changed. As stated elsewhere, this activity gives us an ego boost, a sense of purpose in our otherwise dull lives and above all… we hope it will get us chicks somehow.