What to say about Matrix: Reloaded… Well, I really didn’t expect too much plotwise entering the movie and I certainly wasn’t disappointed there. But most folks had said “Oh, you’ll dig the last 2/3 of the movie.”

So, I sat through the first third thinking, “Eh, it’ll get better.”

And I sat through the second third and thought, “Oh, well, this is a wee bit better.”

And I sat through the third third and was like, “That’s it?”

And I was not impressed. Okay, fight scenes were okay. At least, for the first five minutes. The last ten of each was just a bit much. And not even all fight scenes were badass. All had parts that were pretty sweet, but I don’t think I sat through any one fight scene and was wowed the whole time. Not even the freeway scene wowed me the whole time. Most of it, yeah, but there were some parts that just fell flat.

Was it good? I don’t know, really, but I’m leaning towards no. Certainly not as good as the first movie and most definately not as good as it’s been hyped to me.

Now, as I write this dinner is cooking and Jenn and I are going to partake of said meal while watching the first Matrix again. Maybe I’ll think differently afterwards. Maybe all of my thoughts will be confirmed. I’ll let you all know.

The Geek Test says I’m only 19.52663% geek. Huh. I must have cheated…

Fantagraphics Books takes a page out of Top Shelf’s book and goes pan handling. The distributor going out of business was covered in Fantagraphics pubilcation The Comic Journal back when it happened in 2001. Top Shelf immedeately sent out an e-mail saying “if we don’t make X amount of money we’re sunk.” They made more than enough based off of the goodwill of many comic suporters, including the guy who runs CrossGen comics who dumped a couple grand into TS books. Now Fantagraphics is facing the same situation, they just delayed it. If you’re interested in helping them out, please do so by hitting their store and buying lots of comics.

All I’ve ever wanted was my own aircraft carrier.

Terrifying Bill Passed During NBA Playoffs

With the nation safely distracted by the NBA playoffs, Congress passed the terrifying Citizenship Redefinition And Income-Based Relocation Act of 2003 with little opposition Monday.

“This piece of legislation is essential, both for more efficient implementation of the New American Ideal and to give law enforcement the broad discretionary powers necessary to enforce certain vital civil and behavioral mandates,” said U.S. Sen. Lamar Alexander (R-TN), addressing an empty press room Sunday, midway through game four of the NBA Eastern Conference finals. “We are confident that Americans will embrace this law, should they eventually realize it has been passed.”

H.R. 2395 was introduced to Congress on May 15 during the fourth quarter of the San Antonio Spurs’ 110-82 victory over the defending-champion Los Angeles Lakers in the deciding game of the Western Conference semifinals.

Andy Guthridge of Savannah, GA, is among the estimated 240 million Americans unaware of the sweeping package of civil-liberties curtailments, voting-privilege re-qualifications, and mandatory relocation of the working poor to the Dakotas.

“Man, I was so glad to see the Lakers finally get knocked off,” said Guthridge, who was glued to TNT while the bill’s passage aired on C-SPAN. “Shaq and Kobe and the rest of those dicks have had it coming for a long time.”

Clinton Wants Change in Presidential Term Limits

Former President Bill Clinton said on Wednesday Congress should change the rule that barred him from seeking a third term in the White House, but stopped short of saying he wants to return as commander-in-chief.

Speaking at the John F. Kennedy Library and Museum here, Clinton questioned certain aspects of the 22nd Amendment of the U.S. Constitution, which prevents a person from being elected president more than twice.

Clinton said the amendment, passed after Franklin D. Roosevelt was elected to a record fourth term, should be changed simply to keep a person from being elected to more than two consecutive terms as president.

“I think since people are living much longer … the 22nd Amendment should probably be modified to say two consecutive terms instead of two terms for a lifetime,” Clinton said.

The former president said such a change probably wouldn’t apply to him but would benefit future generations.

“There may come a time when we elect a president at age 45 or 50, and then 20 years later the country comes up against the same kind of problems the president faced before,” he said. “People would like to bring that man or woman back but they would have no way to do so.”

That’s why you bring him on as an advisor or vote for someone who runs on the same ideals.

Tax Law Omits Child Credit in Low-Income Brackets

A last-minute revision by House and Senate leaders in the tax bill that President Bush signed today will prevent millions of minimum-wage families from receiving the increased child credit that is in the measure, say Congressional officials and outside groups.

Most taxpayers will receive a $400-a-child check in the mail this summer as a result of the law, which raises the child tax credit, to $1,000 from $600. It had been clear from the beginning that the wealthiest families would not receive the credit, which is intended to phase out at high incomes.

But after studying the bill approved on Friday, liberal and child advocacy groups discovered that a different group of families would also not benefit from the $400 increase — families who make just above the minimum wage.

Because of the formula for calculating the credit, most families with incomes from $10,500 to $26,625 will not benefit. The Center on Budget and Policy Priorities, a liberal group, says those families include 11.9 million children, or one of every six children under 17.

“I don’t know why they would cut that out of the bill,” said Senator Blanche Lincoln, the Arkansas Democrat who persuaded the full Senate to send the credit to many more low income families before the provision was dropped in conference. “These are the people who need it the most and who will spend it the most. These are the people who buy the blue jeans and the detergent and who will stimulate the economy with their spending.”

…

A spokeswoman for the Republicans on the House Ways and Means Committee, Christin Tinsworth, noted that the provision was included in an agreement reached last week by Representative Bill Thomas, Republican of California, the committee chairman, and Senator Charles E. Grassley, Republican of Iowa, chairman of the Senate Finance Committee.

That agreement would have cost $380 billion, but it fell apart when an important swing senator, George V. Voinovich, Republican of Ohio, said he could not approve any bill that exceeded $350 billion. To satisfy him and the Senate, Ms. Tinsworth said, the child credit provision was dropped, along with other costs.

“The Senate preferred to have $20 billion in state aid,” she said. “But when we had to squeeze it all to $350 billion, they weren’t talking about the child credits. This bill does a lot to help people who need help. But its primary purpose was to generate jobs. Apparently, whatever we do is not going to be enough for some segments of the population.”

Hmmm…. THEN WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU MAKE THE TAX CUTS YOU’RE GIVING THE RICH FUCKERS A LITTLE LESS?!?!?!!!! Holy Christ on a cracker, you’re denying cuts to people who needs this money the most! How the hell can you excuse that? These people on the bottom are the ones that fund this economy, not those on the top. It’s the bottom buying things that promotes a good economy. It’s the bottom actually having the money to spend on things like food and shelter and maybe some toys that allows the economy to grow. But, no, let’s give it to the rich who are going to put it into a nest egg because they know they sure as hell can’t rely on the stock market or Social Security to pay for their retirement. Yeah, let’s give it to the people who don’t need it and therefor aren’t going to spend it. That makes a lot of sense.

Friday Five

1. What do you most want to be remembered for? Up to this point? Probably just being a good guy and all. I haven’t really done anything signifigant besides that. Eventually I want to be remembered for doing lots of things to help other people, whether it’s through whatever career I choose or politics if I decide to go head first into that.

2. What quotation best fits your outlook on life? “I didn’t do it.”

3. What single achievement are you most proud of in the past year? I got back into school.

4. What about the past ten years? I survived.

5. If you were asked to give a child a single piece of advice to guide them through life, what would you say? Be good.

Girl rescued from washing machine

A 2-year-old girl was rescued from a locked, running washer at a coin laundry and her mother was arrested after a surveillance tape allegedly showed her putting the child into the machine, police said.

An officer smashed the window of the machine with his baton to rescue the girl, who was “submerged in water,” police Sgt. Matt Stone said.

The child was unconscious when she was pulled from the washer Saturday but breathing. She was taken to a hospital where she was listed in serious condition with cuts, scrapes, bruises. She had inhaled some water but was expected to survive, Stone said.

Her mother, Erma Osborne, 35, of Pomona, California, later was arrested for investigation of child endangerment and held on $10,000 bail.

Surveillance camera footage showed that the woman placed her daughter in one washer, then removed her and placed her in a second front-loading washer, which turned on when she closed the door, Stone said.

“She wasn’t drowned but she was getting there,” Los Angeles County fire Capt. Dan Ramirez said.

The machine apparently locks automatically when the wash cycle begins and does not unlock until the cycle ends, Ramirez said.

Efforts by the girl’s mother and bystanders to unlock the door failed.

What the hell?!! Was this lady punishing her child or did she think the kid would get a kick out of the ride? Good lord. Now they’re going to have to put warning labels on washers. Or are they already there…

Driver so drunk breathalyser crashes

A 44-year old Dutch motorist has stunned traffic police by drinking so much that their breathalyser crashed.

The man, from Krommenie, had so much alcohol in his breath that the machine in Wormerveer first refused to work and then showed out of range.

Some time later a police doctor gave the man, who has not been named, a blood test which showed the driver had seven times too much alcohol in his blood.

Police, who had flagged the motorist down for erratic driving, say he claimed to have only drunk “four beers”.

A courts in Haarlem has since sentenced the man to a 15-month driving ban, a £600 fine and a two-week suspended jail sentence.

Shit Throwing Monkeys This site is dedicated in bringing you the latest breaking news in the land of primates. It may make you cry, make you laugh or possibly spit up something you had in your mouth but hey - this is news. We’re hardcore.

Prince William is the Antichrist Where you can find a link to a story on the Cult of Diana and more!

CIA Bribe Neutralized Baghdad

One of Saddam Hussein’s cousins, Special Republican Guard chief Maher Sufian Al-Tikriti, betrayed the deposed Iraqi leader by ordering his elite forces not to defend Baghdad after making a deal with the United States, the French newspaper Le Journal du Dimanche reported yesterday.

Citing an Iraqi source close to Saddam’s former regime, the newspaper said that the general, responsible for defending the Iraqi capital, left Baghdad aboard a US military transport plane, bound for a US base outside Iraq.

His departure, along with that of a 20-strong entourage, came on April 8 — the day before US forces swept into Baghdad, and after US Marines announced that the general had been killed, the paper reported.

And the problem is?….

Okay, if this guy’s a war criminal, this sucks, but if he isn’t, then bribery to save the lives of not only our troops and theirs but countless civilians is fine by me.

US plans death camp

The US has floated plans to turn Guantanamo Bay into a death camp, with its own death row and execution chamber.

Prisoners would be tried, convicted and executed without leaving its boundaries, without a jury and without right of appeal, The Mail on Sunday newspaper reported yesterday.

The plans were revealed by Major-General Geoffrey Miller, who is in charge of 680 suspects from 43 countries, including two Australians.

The suspects have been held at Camp Delta on Cuba without charge for 18 months.

General Miller said building a death row was one plan. Another was to have a permanent jail, with possibly an execution chamber.

Death camp? Sound more like any other federal maximum secrity prison with its own death chamber. Now, the lack of jury or right to appeal, that sucks. Really, I think we should grant these guys the same rights we’d give any other American because, well, when we think ‘all men created equal’ or ‘endowed with certain inalienable rights’, I don’t think it’s limited to Americans.

Jesus Badly Burned During Reentry

Jesus H. Christ’s miraculous return to Earth on Easter Sunday was marred when the field of intense radiation which surrounds the planet caused second and third degree burns to the majority of his body.

“The Prince of Peace continues to drift in and out of consciousness, but is expected to make a full recovery once he’s strong enough to heal himself,” said Dr. James Gorcey of the Immaculate Heart Medical Center during a press conference. “In the meantime, we’re watching him very carefully.”

Christ, who had not made the trip in years, was ill-prepared for the searing heat caused during reentry into the Earth’s atmosphere. While the Space Shuttle and other orbiters must take special precautions when passing through the Van Allen Belt, Christ apparently thought because of his special relationship with God, he could handle it without protective gear. According to physicians, Christ made the trip wearing only his shepherding outfit and and a light windbreaker.

Witness Virginia Lopez happened to be looking up at the sky when the accident occurred. “I seen a flashing light, holy holy. Then I look up, and I seen Jesus come back to Earth, oh holy holy. He was yelling and cursing his own name,” Lopez said.

Wow, that sucks. I hope Big JC’s alright.

And I checked, it’s not from the Weekly World News, so it’s legit!

Iraqi Indymedia Now, I generally don’t like Indymedia, but I don’t mind it here becaues these people haven’t had a chance for this in years. Ideally it won’t be used as a “America sucks!” soapbox (though I’m pretty sure that’s what it will become), but it’s good to see Iraqi’s free to report what’s ‘really happening’.

Text Soup Add a word!

Iranian Lawmakers Call on Khamenei to Swallow Poison and Implement Reforms to Avoid Collapse of Islamic Establishment

Some 130 reformist lawmakers called on Iranian leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei to accept democratic reforms for the ruling establishment to survive.

In a letter, a copy of which was made available to The Associated Press, the leglislators told Khamenei: “If a chalice of poison should be swallowed, it should be done (now) before the whole establishment and the country’s independence and territorial integrity is jeopardized.”

Khamenei has the final say on all state matters.

The idea of drinking poison was used by the late founder of the Islamic republic, Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini, when describing his acceptance of the U.N. Security Council resolution that ended the 1980-1988 Iran-Iraq war.

Signed by 127 lawmakers, the letter said the only solution for saving Iran’s Islamic theocracy was to carry out “fundamental changes” in unelected institutions controlled by hard-liners and to respect the voted reforms by implementing them.

Hmmmm….

The History of the Internet

It can be spread by poop and may have been transmitted to humans from cats, but did it really come from outer space? Maybe.

A group of scientists in the United Kingdom asserts that the virus that causes severe acute respiratory syndrome may hail from outer space. The idea might sound like a joke, but the scientists are quite serious.

Chandra Wickramasinghe, a professor at the Cardiff Centre for Astrobiology at Cardiff University in Wales, and his colleagues suggest in a letter to the scientific journal The Lancet that the SARS virus may have arrived with 2,200 pounds of bacterial material that fall to the planet every day. That’s 20,000 bacteria per square meter of the Earth’s surface.

Some of this material is “highly evolved, with an evolutionary history closely related to life that exists on Earth,” Wickramasinghe wrote in the letter.

This, he wrote, “raises the possibility that pathogenic bacteria and viruses might also be introduced.”

Other researchers are skeptical.

Skeptical? Really?

They’re so cute at that age…

So Right Wing News takes a dig at me to point out that I didn’t fully pay attention to what I linked to.

You know that article on the meat bearing tree? Yeah, look at the source. Weekly World News. The Paper, as it were. Silly me.

I mean Yahoo certainly wouldn’t lead person, after person, after person astray by not adequately alerting people to what sort of paper the Weekly World News actually is….or would they? I think the fact that Snopes had to actually punch something up explaining to people that there aren’t really “Tree(s) That Give Meat Instead Of Fruit” answers that question. Yahoo should take the hint, yank the story, explain what happened, and stop posting material from the WWN without a warning…

I think that because the WWN is a tabloid, for lack of a better place, Yahoo! Entertainment is probably a good spot for it. If fools like myself want to jump and say “Oh no! Batboy’s free!” and rant about it, well, so be it. I mean, who would you have to pick on to make you feel better if they didn’t?

The Rise And Fall Of A Blogger

If you really want to be a bigtime blogger and traffic and hits are your aim, use my tried and true method - but it will cost you - of that you can be sure.

*First and foremost, POST OFTEN. POST EVERY POSSIBLE MINUTE EVEN AT THE EXPENSE OF YOUR FAMILY, JOB, and BASIC FREEDOM TO EXIST. The most important thing you can do is POST!

I did this for a while. And I still do it from time to time. But I’ve found the increased visits come from more Google hits than anything else, and, really, I don’t want those. Those guys don’t stick around anyway.

*BE OUTRAGEOUS, BE AUDACIOUS and BE AS BIG OF AN ASSHOLE AS YOU CAN POSSIBLY BE. Even when you are posting the most mundane of things, which will be necessary as you dredge every last detail of your existence looking for something to say, say it with attitude.

*USE TONS OF CURSE WORDS AND SHOW YOUR DEPTH IN BEING FOUL. The only way to attract readers is to offend them or offend others which of course they will be amused by, because EVERYONE loves to see another human suffer.

Being an asshole isn’t in my nature (though I can pretend from time to time) so I can’t really do that here. It just doesn’t work. I sound like a poseur. Same with cursing a lot. Okay, so I cuss more than many folks, but I think I do it properly as adjectives to accurately get my point and emotions across. Does that make me a bad writer that I need to resort to such language? Probably, but why take a paragraph to say what a few choice words can convey?

*SHOW YOURSELF HALF-NAKED as frequently as possible, or just keep a current picture of yourself half-naked on your site. If your content sucks, they can always come and look at the half-naked person’s picture. Basically debase yourself for all the world to see. People love that!

Half-naked photos of myself might work. I am quite beefy.

*PICK FIGHTS WITH OTHER BLOGGERS. This is a sure fire guarantee hitmaker. Number one, you will raise the ire of the blogger in question and they will retaliate (if they have any balls, right?) and if you are lucky, their readers and your readers will join in an have a link-o-rama of insults and vile canards. Number two, nothing breeds hits like the controversy of mud-slinging. Again we humans love to see people suffer.

Good debates with other bloggers is healthy and a real good way to share some hits and attention. But it gets messy after a while and looks bad. One or two back and forths, fine, but if you go all day, blargh, you’re gonna lose folks. And this relates to the last point:

*LAST BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY - SAY ROTTEN THINGS ABOUT THE BIGTIME BLOGGERS - If you are truly desperate, and your hubris and ego are just out of control and you can’t stand to be ignored by those who wield the true traffic power, accuse them of horrible things and throw rocks and insults their way. Not only will this get their attention, but everyone will come flocking to watch you crash and burn as you make a complete mockery of yourself. Remember, it’s not about content and quality, it’s about you, you, you, you and you alone. YOU ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT MOTHEREFFER ON THE PLANET. The bigtime bloggers are only there cause YOU haven’t crushed them with your greatness.

I’ve thought of this and even kinda tried in the past, but it wasn’t as much picking a fight as it was simply me saying they were wrong or full of it. Am I jealous of folks like Doc and Jish and Ev who get tons of hits? Sure. But I think they deserve it for the most part. They either have lots of good stuff to say or are pioneers in the Blogging world. But folks like Instapundit, well, what the hell does he do that thousands of other bloggers don’t do? It’s metablogging about politics. Nothing spectacular. But, yeah, I’m more jealous.

Besides, no one’s going to visit my site just because I make an ass out of myself in a failed attempt to lure some visitors by throwing stones at giants.

I guess when I stopped doing all those things and started to focus on writing about things that mattered and not fretting over and being a slave to my blog, people left. And you know what, that’s okay, because the people who come here now are mostly my friends and they are the only people that matter.

A blog isn’t your friend, it isn’t your life, and it most certainly shouldn’t be the only thing you ever do - it may inspire and spark creativity - but it can also be a destructive illusion - a reality that feeds the worst part of you if you are desperate for it to give something back. All you can really hope for out of a blog is a release, and perhaps to make a connection with another person. If you make only one, that is one more than you had before.

That is all, now go forth and blog with your heart, not with your ass.

A valuable lesson I have learned from this and I hope by sharing it with you guys I can spare even one person from my fate.

If only other people could learn this lesson, the Blogosphere would be a much nicer place.d

BlogSpot is pissing me off. For the last two or three days either my page doesn’t load or only the last two posts load and the rest of the page doesn’t or any number of things nine times out of ten. Blogger’s working just fine, mind you, I can post whatever I want, it’s just a question of whether or not the page can be seen. And it’s not just my computer, I have seen this on at least three different computers. Anyone else out there having problems?

My pal Will found this on a message board and sent it to me. Pretty sweet if you ask me.

USER SURVEY

God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions. Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions.

1. How did you find out about God?

___ Newspaper

___ Bible

___ Torah

___ Book of Mormon

___ Koran

___ Other Book

___ Television

___ Divine Inspiration

___ Word of mouth

___ Dead Sea scrolls

___ My mama done tol’ me

___ Near Death Experience

___ Near-life experience

___ National Public Radio

___ Tabloid

___ Burning Shrubbery

___ The O’Reilly Factor

___ Who?

___ Other (specify): _____________

2. Which model God did you acquire?

___ Yahweh

___ Jehovah

___ Allah

___ Just plain God

___ Krishna

___ Father, Son & Holy Ghost (Trinity Pak)

___ Zeus and entourage (Olympus Pak)

___ Odin and entourage (Valhalla Pak)

___ Gaia/Mother Earth/Mother Nature

___ None of the above; I was taken in by a false god

3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes?

__ Yes __ No

If not, please describe the problems you initially encountered here.

Please indicate all that apply:

___ Not eternal ___ Not omniscient

___ Not omnipotent

___ Finite in space/Does not occupy or inhabit the entire universe

___ Permits sex outside of marriage

___ Prohibits sex outside of marriage

___ Makes mistakes (Geraldo Rivera, Jesse Helms)

___ When beseeched, doesn’t stay beseeched

___ Requires burnt offerings

___ Requires virgin sacrifices

___ Plays dice with the universe

4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a God? Please check all that apply.

___ Indoctrinated by parents

___ Needed a reason to live

___ Indoctrinated by society

___ Needed target for rage

___ Imaginary friend grew up

___ Hate to think for self

___ Wanted to meet girls/boys

___ Needed blind moral righteousness to justify violence

___ Fear of death

___ To piss off parents

___ Needed a day away from work

___ Enjoy organ music

___ Needed to feel morally superior

___ Graduated from the tooth fairy

___ My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it

5. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply.

__ Self-help books

__ Tarot, Astrology

__ Star Trek re-runs

__ Fortune cookies

__ Ann Landers

__ Psychic Friends Network

__ Dianetics

__ Playboy and/or Playgirl

__ Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll

__ Biorhythms

__ EST

__ Television

__ Mantras

__ Jimmy Swaggart

__ Crystals (not including Crystal Gayle)

__ Human Sacrifice

__ Wandering around in desert

__ Burning shrubbery

__ Other:_____________________

6. Have you ever worshiped a false God before? Is so, which false God were you fooled by? Please check all that apply.

___ Odin

___ Cthulhu

___ Lottery

___ Baal

___ Beelzebub

___ The Almighty Dollar

___ The Conservative Right

___ Mick Jagger

___ Bill Gates

___ The Great Pumpkin

___ Ronald Reagan

___ The Oakland Raiders

___ A burning cabbage

___ mushrooms

___ Other: ________________

7. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer? (circle one)?

a. More Divine Intervention

b. Less Divine Intervention

c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right

d. Don’t know - what’s Divine Intervention?

8. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 to 5 God’s handling of the following: (1 unsatisfactory, 5 excellent):

Disaster:

1 2 3 4 5 flood

1 2 3 4 5 famine

1 2 3 4 5 earthquake

1 2 3 4 5 war

1 2 3 4 5 pestilence

1 2 3 4 5 plague

1 2 3 4 5 AOL dialup service

1 2 3 4 5 Republican Congress

1 2 3 4 5 Jerry Lewis

1 2 3 4 5 Dubya

1 2 3 4 5 my last relationship

Miracles:

1 2 3 4 5 rescues

1 2 3 4 5 spontaneous remissions

1 2 3 4 5 crying statues

1 2 3 4 5 water changing to wine

1 2 3 4 5 walking on water

1 2 3 4 5 stars hovering over towns

1 2 3 4 5 VCRs that set their own clocks

1 2 3 4 5 clear and competent statements by the President

1 2 3 4 5 my present relationship

9. Please rate the following on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 unsatisfactory, 5 excellent):

1 2 3 4 5 God’s Courtesy

1 2 3 4 5 answers to your prayers

1 2 3 4 5 Are your spiritual needs being met?

1 2 3 4 5 How are your shrubs doing?

10. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God’s services? (Attach an additional sheet(s) if necessary.)