Pat Robertson takes a dump for Jesus.

Or he wants people to pray for God to strike down the Supreme Court. I still say it looks like he’s taking a dump on the 700 Club.

Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson urged his nationwide audience Monday to pray for God to remove three justices from the Supreme Court so they could be replaced by conservatives.

“We ask for miracles in regard to the Supreme Court,” Robertson said on the Christian Broadcasting Network’s “The 700 Club.”

It’s a miracle this man’s still saying this kinda crap. Oh well, I guess the Supreme Court’s decision is God punishing us further for being sinners. You know, like when those guys crashed the planes into the World Trade Center.

PS - I know, I know, that was Jerry Falwell, but Patty was smiling and nodding the whole time.

Bill Moyers’s interview with Jon Stewart

MOYERS: I do not know whether you are practicing a old form of parody and satire.

STEWART: Uh-huh.

MOYERS: Or a new form of journalism.

STEWART: Well then that either speaks to the sad state of comedy or the sad state of news. I can’t figure out which one. I think, honestly, we’re practicing a new form of desperation. Where we just are so inundated with mixed messages from the media and from politicians that we’re just trying to sort it out for ourselves.

Real Life The newest game that’s all the craze…

Howard Dean guest blogging for Lawrence Lessing?

If you haven’t heard of it yet, there’s this ‘game’ where men pay a lot of money to learn how to hunt and shoot women. Yeah, that’s gotta be healthy.

When you can get Ani Difranco and Jackie Chan singing “Unforgetable” on the same album with Devo singing Neil Young’s “Ohio” and Don Ho crooning to “Shock the Monkey”, you’ve got yerself a good CD.

New at Artifice Comics:
Bush43 Issue #11 - A Pox Upon Thee
By Jason Kenney

“I feel like a dork.”

“You look like a dork, Mister Carter.”

“Ha, ha. This get up didn’t come out of my closet, bastard.”

The tuxedo was, unfortunately, just my size. And it wasn’t even a good one. It was old and ugly as hell.

“Why couldn’t I get a smooth ass tux that gets all the chicks?”

“I suppose you will have to use your charm, Jeffery.”

I sighed as Alfonse put finger-foods on big silver platters that I knew I’d have to carry around in a little over an hour.

“If I had known you were going to make me work, I wouldn’t have accepted your invitation.”

“If you failed to accept my invitation,” said Alfonse, looking to me with a smirk, “I would have made you come anyway.”

“Fair enough.”

The door to the kitchen opened and I turned to see the ever lovely Miss Victoria Burke in a lovely black dress with a well placed, teasing slit that came halfway up her thigh along the side of the skirt.

Grrrrrraow.

“Is everything…” she started.

“Everything is coming along splendidly, Victoria,” said Alfonse as he continued to straighten food on the trays.

“And he…” she started, glaring at me.

“Is being an imenese help,” replied Alfonse, glancing up to her briefly and going back to work on the trays.

“You look lovely this evening, Victoria,” I said with a grin.

Man, talk about ice queen. The look she gave me would have killed a weaker man but it just made me smile a bit wider.

Pushing her buttons is kinda fun.

“I swear to God if you do anything idiotic tonight…” she said, not finishing her sentence, simply punctuating it by continuing that glare.

“I wouldn’t think of it,” I said, right hand over my heart, bullshit grin on my face.

She turned and stormed out.

Alfonse chuckled lightly as I turned back to him.

“Anything I can do to help?” I asked for what had to be the tenth time that evening, fully expecting the same response.

“Everything is just about finsihed,” Alfonse replied for what had to be the tenth time that evening. He stood up and observed his work, giving himself a quick nod and turning to me. “And do be on your best behavior this evening.”

“Alfonse, I’m insulted,” I said. He didn’t find me funny. “I’ll be good, Jeeves. Scouts honor.”

Good thing I was never in the Boy Scouts.

Try the new McGlass with cheese

This is why a living wage minimum wage needs to be instituted. And who better to lead the charge (if the government won’t do it) than Wal-Mart. C’mon, guys, think of the publicity!

Hmm, you’ve got me there. I’ve never heard of “Jason Kenney ” but I’m sure it’s like little bits of aural shit dripping into my brain. Okay, so you put in the name of your favorite album, singer, band, etc, and get a review. I decided to use me. I’m not a fave, I guess…

Iraq war not about new arms evidence: Rumsfeld

The United States didn’t declare war on Iraq because of new evidence of banned weapons, U.S. Secretary of Defence Donald Rumsfeld said on Wednesday.

Rumsfeld said the U.S. declared war because it saw existing evidence of Iraqi arms programs in “a dramatic new light” following the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks.

Rumsfeld made the comments in an appearance before the U.S. Senate Armed Services Committee.

This is news? This is one of the arguements the US made for the war along with the WMD argument. So why is everyone getting their panties in a twist because Rumsfeld is reminding them of the OTHER reasons the Bush Administration gave for going to war?

Giant toddlers meet for wrestling match

….

No comment

Silence Of The Lambs the Musical?

Lecter: (singing) I ate his liver!!!
Prison Guard Chorus Line: (singing) He ate his liver!!!!
Lecter: (singing) With some fava beans..
Prison Guard Chorus Line: Mmmmm!
Lecter: (singing) …and a nice tall ciante (sp?)!
All: *sucking noises*

Beer for the Homeless Can I make this my charity of choice for this year’s Blogathon?

The Internet Is Shit

MSNBC fires Savage on anti-gay remarks

MSNBC on Monday fired Michael Savage for anti-gay comments.

The popular radio talk show host who did a weekend TV show for the cable channel referred to an unidentified caller to his show Saturday as a “sodomite” and said he should “get AIDS and die.”

“His comments were extremely inappropriate and the decision was an easy one,” MSNBC spokesman Jeremy Gaines said.

There was no immediate comment from Savage, according to a spokesman at his office in California.

…

The incident that resulted in his firing began innocently enough. Savage was taking viewer phone calls about airline horror stories, and a male caller began talking about smoking in the bathroom.

“Half an hour into the flight, I need to suggest that Don and Mike take your …” the caller said, before he was cut off and his words became unintelligible.

“So you’re one of those sodomists. Are you a sodomite?” Savage asked.

The caller replied: “Yes, I am.”

“Oh, you’re one of the sodomites,” Savage said. “You should only get AIDS and die, you pig. How’s that? Why don’t you see if you can sue me, you pig. You got nothing better than to put me down, you piece of garbage. You have got nothing to do today, go eat a sausage and choke on it.”

He asked for another phone caller who “didn’t have a nice night in the bathhouse who’s angry at me today.”

These bums “mean nothing to me,” he said.

2004 Presidential Candidate Selector

Your Results:

1. Kucinich, Cong. Dennis, OH - Democrat (100%) Click here for info
2. Gephardt, Cong. Dick, MO - Democrat (78%) Click here for info
3. Kerry, Senator John, MA - Democrat (77%) Click here for info
4. Dean, Gov. Howard, VT - Democrat (75%) Click here for info
5. Edwards, Senator John, NC - Democrat (70%) Click here for info
6. Sharpton, Reverend Al - Democrat (70%) Click here for info
7. Lieberman Senator Joe CT - Democrat (64%) Click here for info
8. Moseley-Braun, Former Senator Carol IL - Democrat (61%) Click here for info
9. Graham, Senator Bob, FL - Democrat (43%) Click here for info
10. Libertarian Candidate (34%) Click here for info
11. Bush, George W. - US President (31%) Click here for info
12. Phillips, Howard - Constitution (2%) Click here for info
13. LaRouche, Lyndon H. Jr. - Democrat (-11%) Click here for info

Uhhhh…. What? Every Democrat before Bush? Hell, at least LaRouche is dead last.

Hulk doll’s monster willy

Shocked six-year-old Leah Lowland checked out a mystery bulge on her Incredible Hulk doll ? and uncovered a giant green WILLY.

Curious Leah noticed a lump after winning the monster, catchphrase ?You wouldn?t like me when I?m angry,? at a seaside fair.

And when she peeled off the green comic-book character?s ripped purple shorts, she found the two-inch manhood beneath them.

Hulk smash?

Not like a virgin
Britney Spears

Just when you thought she couldn’t get any hotter, Britney Spears is lighting a fire on the pages of W magazine. W’s Rob Haskell says, “We begin to see a sexier Britney over the last year or so. And I think that in these pictures, W aimed to turn that up a notch.”

Haskell tells “Extra” the pop princess laid it all on the table for W. Yes, she smokes cigarettes. Yes, she kissed Colin Farrell. And yes, she did in fact lose her virginity to Justin. Haskell says, “When I asked her what the most painful experience she ever had was, she mentioned her breakup with Justin quite decisively. She really thought that he was the one and I think that’s why she did decide to sleep with him. She never expected that he would go on Barbara Walters and sell her out, as she put it.”

Ah, the trials and tribulations of the young.

Matrix teenagers ‘caught moments before rampage’

Three teenagers with a Matrix fixation have been arrested with an arsenal of weapons, that police say they were about to use to kill “as many people as possible.”

Police have revealed they were captured wearing trenchcoats like their hero in The Matrix sci-fi films, and a motorist they tried to hijack said: “These guys were ready for a war.”

The three, aged 18, 15 and 14, had been planning to carry out multiple murders since early this year, according to New Jersey police chief Christopher Ferrari. He added they planned on not being taken alive.

Matthew Lovett, 18, was among those arrested. The others were not named. Police say Lovett imagined an almost supernatural aura around himself, sometimes referring to himself as The Mystic, The One.

Police say the New Jersey trio were planning to randomly kill in the streets, but that the plot was uncovered as the they set out armed with rifles, handguns, swords and knifes.

They stumbled at the first hurdle when an attempt to hijack a motorist failed and he went to the police.

Keannu wouldn’t have messed that up. Hell, these guys should have known something was up when they tried to run up the wall and fell on their ass.

Motorist drove home with legless body through windscreen: police

A motorist drove home about 1.6 kilometres with the legless body of a pedestrian in his front windshield before calling authorities to report that he had struck the man with his car, officials said.

Deputies first learned of the accident, which happened about midnight last Friday, from bar patrons who called to report finding two legs near the parking lot, according to sheriff’s reports.

With Joseph Markert’s torso lodged in his windshield, Daniel Dradeen, 19, drove 1.6 kilometres to the home he shared with Ronald Brownie and Brownie’s son, who called the police emergency line, the reports showed.

Dradeen didn’t stop to report the accident because he didn’t have a cellular phone with him and Brownie’s home was only about a mile from the accident site, Brownie said.

“A guy coming through your front windshield tends to rattle you,” said Brownie.

Well, at least he called the cops. I guess.

Done beachin’ Yep, Nags Head was nice, but I’m back now and I guess I’m well rested…

JSKOnline has a new home, new look and a new format! Yep, I think I’m going to use it as a writing journal as well as an online omnibus for all the crap I decide to do. Thanks to Jer for hosting.

Evil Dead The Musical!!! Sweet!

Your Body May Be Worth More Than $45 Million

It may be illegal, immoral and certainly ill-advised, but selling every usable part of your body could fetch upward of $45 million, according to a survey in the August issue of Wired magazine.

I wonder how much I could get for a pinky toe…

Man gets life in prison for spitting

An Oklahoma man arrested on suspicion of beating his wife faced year in prison and a fine. But when he spit in an arresting officer’s face, he got a life sentence instead, officials said Wednesday.

John Carl Marquez, 36, was convicted of “placing bodily fluid upon a government employee,” a felony that can carry a life sentence because of the possibility of transmitting a potentially deadly disease.

State judge April Sellers White sentenced Marquez this week even though Marquez and the officer tested negative for any communicable disease.

Marquez also was convicted of assaulting a police officer, and a jury recommended the maximum sentence because he had previous convictions.

Marquez, arrested several months ago, could have received one year in prison and a $3,000 fine for wife beating, according to the Creek County court clerk’s office.

His lawyers said they plan to appeal.

Appeal? Why appeal such an open and shut case?

Not sure why, but I’ve been getting the feeling lately that America is about to hit another social movement of some sort. I mean one of those big, across the board, never be the same again kinda social movement.

Every forty years or so there’s a movement of some sort. 1960s saw the dirty hippie movement. 1920s saw the ‘Roaring Twenties’. 1880s saw a large movement of Americans from rural to urban areas.

Each one of these movements has been preceded by some sort of war and subsequent fears and restrictions in the aftermath.

1880s were the result of the Civil War and Reconstruction.

1920s were the result of the Great War, the beginning of the ‘red scare’ and prohibition.

1960s were the result of World War Two, McCarthyism and Vietnam (and simmering tension over the last 100 years or more if you focus on the Civil Rights movement).

Perhaps there’s a pattern in the ending as well, at least for the last couple, as the 20s ended with the Great Depression and the 60s ended with the 70s, a nightmare of a time that closed out with an energy crisis, inflation and hostages sitting in an embassy in Iran.

If the pattern holds, we’re currently in the storm before the calm. September 11th started the movement, the War on Terror and policies created and promoted here at home are the following fears and restrictions. So if everything holds up we should see a movement in the next few years.

Why does this happen? Well, here’s my theory.

It seems to occur with every other generation, the grandchildren of the previous movement are the movers and the shakers of the next. It’s kinda the same with political philosophies, one generation will be more liberal followed by a more conservative followed by a more liberal.

This comes from children reacting to how they were raised and applying that when they have their own children.

The ‘Gay Twenties’ saw the adults relaxed and let loose. The children, ‘The Greatest Generation’, reared by the depression and forged by World War Two, were not nearly as laid back. Thus their children, when they grew old enough to rebel, did so, causing the whole 60s movement. They had children, Generation X, and raised them with their ‘new’ techniques so their children reacted by being more rigid with their own kids. Now this latest generation, Generation Y or Millennium or whatever they’re labeled, are coming of age in an era similar to what led to the 20s and the 60s.

The rebellion against parents becomes a rebellion against society because the parents are now in control politically. And the political rolls seem to temper the relaxed nature of the generations that caused the movement as they realize they must grow up and deal with problems facing the world, those from the 20s dealing with the depression and World War Two, those from the 60s dealing with the end of the Cold War and now the War on Terror.

And each movement is preceded by the presence of a more conservative government, thus the change is more liberal in nature. It will be interesting to see what this theoretical upcoming movement consists of. Will it mirror recent events in Canada with the easing of some drug legislation and the legalization of same sex unions? Possibly. There aren’t many other liberal options these days. It’ll be interesting to see how the next few years play out.

GW Bush’s Approval Ratings

Interesting observations over at J-Walk. Though, this isn’t much of a surprize. Most of the time a President’s popularity jumps up at times of war. Something about the American psyche makes people go “WAR! MUST LOVE APPLE PIE! AND PRESIDENT!!! GOD BLESS THE USA!!! WHERE’S MY MAGNETIC FLAG!!!” whenever the bombs start dropping. Or things start blowing up in general. Oh well.