Al-Qaida Claims Responsibility For American Blackout

Steve Burns, aka Steve from Blue’s Clues, has released an album with Steve Drozd of the Flaming Lips. It’s actually supposed to be pretty good.

Over at Amazon:

Customers who bought titles by Steve Burns also bought titles by these artists:

The Wiggles

Radiohead

Bear in the Big Blue House

Thomas & Friends

Liz Phair

Huh. That’s a mix you won’t normally see.

Courtney Love’s grandfather revealed It’s Marlon Brando! No joke!

Statesman or Skatesman? Are politicians more fun now than they used to be?

Third Annual HEROES/J’s Notes Fantasy Football League!!!

Tell your friends, get everyone on board as up to 20 teams vie to beat the crap out of each other in fantasy play!

In order to join the group, go to http://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/f1, click on the Sign Up button, choose to “Join an Existing League” and then to “Join a Custom League.” Then, when prompted, enter the following information…

League ID#: 377394
Password: jskonline

Come get some!

Signups must be in by August…. Uh…. 28th? Yeah, that sounds good. Two weeks. So get crackin’!

This time the results are worse! I took that Presidential Selector quiz again…

1. Dean, Gov. Howard, VT - Democrat (100%)
2. Kucinich, Cong. Dennis, OH - Democrat (97%)
3. Moseley-Braun, Former Senator Carol IL - Democrat (92%)
4. Daschle, Senate Minority Leader Tom, SD - Democrat (90%)
5. Clinton, Senator Hillary Rodham, NY - Democrat (84%)
6. Kerry, Senator John, MA - Democrat (81%)
7. Edwards, Senator John, NC - Democrat (80%)
8. Gephardt, Cong. Dick, MO - Democrat (80%)
9. Lieberman Senator Joe CT - Democrat (80%)
10. Leahy, Patrick Senator, Vermont - Democrat (78%)
11. Green Party Candidate (78%)
12. Sharpton, Reverend Al - Democrat (76%)
13. Socialist Candidate (72%)
14. Bayh, Senator Evan, IN - Democrat (70%)
15. Biden, Senator Joe, DE - Democrat (70%)
16. Dodd, Senator Chris, CT - Democrat (65%)
17. Feingold, Senator Russ, WI - Democrat (65%)
18. Graham, Senator Bob, FL - Democrat (62%)
19. Jackson, Cong. Jesse Jr., IL - Democrat (61%)
20. Libertarian Candidate (57%)
21. Feinstein, Senator Dianne, CA - Democrat (55%)
22. Bush, George W. - US President (51%)
23. Kaptur, Cong. Marcy, OH - Democrat (45%)
24. Buchanan, Patrick J. ? Reform/Republican (40%)
25. Bradley, Former Senator Bill NJ - Democrat (38%)
26. Clark, Retired Army General Wesley K “Wes” Arkansas - Democrat (36%)
27. McCain, Senator John, AZ- Republican (21%)
28. Gore, Former Vice-President Al - Democrat (20%)
29. Hagelin, John - Natural Law (16%)
30. Phillips, Howard - Constitution (14%)
31. Vilsack, Governor. Tom IA - Democrat (5%)
32. LaRouche, Lyndon H. Jr. - Democrat (0%)
33. Hart, Former Senator Gary, CO - Democrat (0%)

Dean?!?!!! DEAN?!?!!! The guy’s a nut job! Okay, it could be worse, it could be LaRouche at the top, but still! Holy crap.

Left Bloggers pick the 20 worst figures in American history

Honorable Mentions: Boss Tweed (5), Roger Taney (5), James Earl Ray (5), Charles Manson (5), Rush Limbaugh (5), Jerry Falwell (5), Roy Cohn (5), Dick Cheney (5), John C. Calhoun (5)
20) The Rosenbergs (3) + Julius Rosenberg (3) (6 total votes)
20) Pat Robertson (6)
20) Oliver North (6)
20) William Randolph Hearst (6)
20) Aaron Burr (6)
20) Aldrich Ames (6)
18) George Lincoln Rockwell (7)
18) Robert McNamara (7)
14) Richard Mellon Scaife (8)
14) Lee Harvey Oswald (8)
14) Charles Coughlin (8)
14) Strom Thurmond (8)
13) Ronald Reagan (9)
12) George Wallace (10)
11) Andrew Jackson (12)
9) Jefferson Davis (13)
9) George W. Bush (13)
6) Benedict Arnold (14)
6) Henry Kissinger (14)
6) John Wilkes Booth (14)
3) Timothy McVeigh (16)
3) Nathan Bedford Forrest (16)
3) J. Edgar Hoover (16)
2) Richard Nixon (25)
1) Joseph McCarthy (26)

Hey, now, Nixon really wasn’t all that bad. The man got us out of Vietnam and signed civil rights legislation. Okay, so he covered up criminal activity by his buddies, that’s not cool, but does that put him at #2 on the list? No. And Pat Robertson’s only #20?

Right Bloggers pick the 20 worst figures in American history

Honorable Mentions: Ted Bundy (5), Jane Fonda (5), John Wayne Gacy (5), John Walker Lindh (5), Joe McCarthy (5), Michael Moore (5), Boss Tweed (5)
17) Franklin Delano Roosevelt (6)
17) John Walker (6)
17) Lee Harvey Oswald (6)
17) Robert Byrd (6)
16) Aldrich Ames (7)
14) Richard Nixon (8)
14) Aaron Burr (8)
12) Al Sharpton (9)
12) Charles Manson (9)
Timothy McVeigh (10)
Lyndon Johnson (10)
Hillary Clinton (10)
John Wilkes Booth (10)
7) Alger Hiss (12)
6) Noam Chomsky (13)
4) Jesse Jackson (14)
4) Jimmy Carter (14)
3) Bill Clinton (15)
2) Benedict Arnold (19)
1) The Rosenbergs (15) & Julius Rosenberg (5) (20 total votes)

My first thought it, I’m sorry, what the fuck did Bill Clinton do that was so bad for this country? And what exactly makes Jimmy Carter evil?

Multithefeauto.com Multiplayer GTA!

New at Artifice Comics

Bush43 #12 - “Summer In The City”
By Ian Astheimer, Trevor Carrington, Alex Cook, Matthew Downey, Derrick Ferguson, Jason Kenney, Leslie “Ciro” Lancaster and C.W. Russette

I planted my feet and stood ready. The man reached into his pockets and started fishing for something, his tongue between his teeth has he tried really hard to find whatever as in there. He kept searching. And searching. And searching.

I stood upright and lowered my hands while he continued to dig in his pockets.

“You okay?” I asked.

“Yeah, yeah, just gotta find…” he drifted off, concentrating. “Damn it, I know it’s in here somewhere. One second…”

I looked at my watch as he continued digging. A small crowd had started to gather around us to look at this spectacle. God, this guy was embarrassing both of us.

“AH HA!” he shouted, pulling his hand out of his pocket with glee. And he popped the mouth guard between his teeth. “LETSH GU!” he slurred through the rubber guard, standing ready.

I rolled my eyes and got ready again. What an idiot.

He charged at me with a scream. I waited until he was close enough and then jabbed hard, right into his nose. I felt it give under my fist and smiled with satisfaction as he stumbled back.

“AHH! JESHUSH CRISH!” he shouted as he grasped his bleeding nose. I didn’t wait for him to reorient himself, kicking him in the gut and following with a sweet ass upper cut that set him on his back.

He stirred for a bit, trying to get up, but then passed out, collapsing on the ground and ending that.

Christ, how lame.

Various writers come together to help celebrate the first anniversary of the hero that everyone should know and love. Follow his exploits as he goes around Pacific City, Australia fighting monkeys, wanna be villains and heroes, competes in a dance competition and so much more. Who loves ya? Artifice Comics loves ya.

God, I hate shopping for clothes. I just dropped eighty bucks on two dress shirts and a nice pair of pants. Eighty bucks! Okay, so that’s really not all that bad. I guess. But I think I remember clothes being cheaper not too long ago. And I’m not talking back when I didn’t have to pay for them, though that was pretty sweet. No, really, I could go get a nice pair of khakis for twenty dollars. Now I need thirty, minimum, and that’s if I don’t mind them bursting into flames in a month or some crazy crap like that. And I guess I really don’t have it all that bad considering I’m a guy and my clothes are automatically cheaper, but still! Eighty bucks. That’s like sixteen McDonalds Value Meals. Or two weeks worth of groceries! Okay, fine, I have no room to bitch.

But I’m gonna do it anyway.

EIGHTY DOLLARS!!!!

Sigh.

I think I’m going to start a “Jason Needs New Clothes Fund.”

And this wouldn’t be a problem if I weren’t becoming too big for my britches. In two years I’ve put on almost four inches. Which isn’t all that bad considering I’m still skinny, but I just don’t like it. It’s not that I’m getting pudgy, hell no, I just don’t like having to buy new clothes because I all I do is sit around all day. Could be worse, I guess. I could have Shaun’s gut.

Former President Carter To Be Tried For Peace Crimes

An international peace-crimes tribunal commenced legal proceedings against former U.S. President Jimmy Carter for alleged crimes against inhumanity Monday.

Right: Carter awaits trial for acts of peace committed between 1976 and the present.

“Jimmy Carter’s political career includes a laundry list of anti-war-making offenses,” said chief prosecutor Charles B. Simmons. “Carter’s record of benevolence, diplomacy, and respect for human life is unrivaled in recent geopolitical history. For millions, the very sight of his face evokes memories of his administration’s reign of tolerance.”

The former president, whom Simmons described as “relentless in his naked pursuit of everlasting global peace,” has been sought by peace-crimes officers in the international war-making community for decades. Police apprehended Carter on July 25 in South Florida, where he was building low-income housing as a part of a Habitat For Humanity project. Shortly thereafter, he was extradited to Geneva, where he will be prosecuted for “grossly humane acts against all nations.”

Purchase Uranium Ore Online!

Join Arnold!

The California Ballot for Governor as of August 7th.

Hollywood Pornography Company Indicted By Justice Department

A North Hollywood wholesaler of adult films has been charged by the Justice Department with violating federal obscenity laws. This charge is the first of what is expected to be a large number of cases against purveyors of pornography, the Los Angeles Times reported.

Extreme Associates and its executives, Robert Zicari and Janet Romano, of Northridge, were indicted by the federal grand jury on 10 counts. The indictment is reported to have caused alarm among adult entertainment companies in the San Fernando Valley, which is considered the capital of the nation’s multibillion-dollar pornography industry.

Attorney General John Ashcroft promised upon taking office that he would crack down on the distributors of adult entertainment material such as movies, magazines and Web sites.

The “indictment marks an important step in the Department of Justice’s strategy for attacking the proliferation of adult obscenity,” Ashcroft said Thursday.

The department will “continue to focus our efforts on targeted obscenity prosecutions that will deter others from producing and distributing obscene material,” Ashcroft said.

Oh, Lord. This is exactly what we need, an Administration that’s trying to avoid a liberal label of ‘Big Brother’ suddenly deciding what we can and can not view based on a vague defininition of obscenity.

Governor for Schwarzenegger

A day after Arnold Schwarzenegger announced his decision to run for the position of governor, the current governor Gray Davis announced that he will run for the position of Schwarzenegger.

Davis, 60, said he took this decision immediately once he heard Arnold’s announcement on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. During the news conference, Davis confessed that he was actually relieved on hearing that Schwarzenegger will run.

“I was very reluctant to give up the office until I saw someone in whose hands it will fare well. But,” he added, “Arnold is vacating the position of Schwarzenegger in Hollywood, and I am going to fill it.”

Davis said he is determined to take over the movie career of the Austrian-born former bodybuilding champion.

Learn to Beatbox

The art of vocal percussion comes natually to many people. Making strange sounds with your mouth at a young age and then later discovering what you’re doing is called ‘beatboxing’ is a familiar story. However, not everyone discovers the art in this way.

This article is designed to equip beginners with useful tips that can help them learn how to beatbox.

Sweet! I’m about to become a human rap machine!

The first testament says “an eye for an eye.”

The second testament says “love thy neighbour.”

The third testament: KICKS ASS!

It All Depends on What You Mean by ‘Have’

o if you’re asking me did Iraq have weapons of mass destruction, I’m saying, well, it all depends on what you mean by “have.”

See, I can “have” something without actually having it. I can “have” a cold, but I don’t own the cold, nor do I harbor it. Really, when you think about it, the cold has me, or even more precisely, the cold has passed through me. Plus, the word “have” has the complicated letter “v” in it. It seems that so many words with the letter “v” are words that are difficult to use and spell. Like “verisimilitude.” And “envelope.”

Therefore, when you ask me, “Did Iraq have weapons of mass destruction,” I frankly don’t know what you’re talking about. Do you mean currently? Then why did you say “did?” Think about “did.” What the heck does that mean? Say it a few times out loud. Sounds silly. I’m beginning to think it’s just the media’s effort to use a fancy palindrome, rather than ask a pertinent question.

But they can beat him.

Gallagher For Governor of California

This whole damn thing’s a joke. I’m sorry, Gray Davis should either be allowed to have his name on the ballot or have any ‘no’ votes in the “Should we recall the governor” question count as votes. As it stands, he needs a majority to say ‘no’ in order to stay in office, but if 49% of California says no, then the guy with the most votes on the bottom wins, and that could be only 10% or less. A mockery of the democratic system.

And now the hell is it that less than 3% of a populace can force the recall of a Governor? 35 million people in that state and only about 1 million needed to sign the petitions to cause a recall. Christ almighty, what a joke.