Nanowrimo Day 24 - 4855 words (50225 TOTAL!!!!)
Whew. Nanowrimo goal met. Now I just have to meet mine.
So I broke 50k but I’m not jumping up and down in joy. Not yet. The story has yet to be finished. When it’s done, THEN I will celebrate like a fool.
And it will be done. Soon. Tomorrow I hope.
I’m looking forward to it.
I just hope I’m not so disappointed with today’s writing that I feel the need to edit out 3,000 words and have to fix it tomorrow. But we’ll see.
The end is in sight.
***
You wish it was raining. Not that it would make you feel better, but it would be more appropriate for your mood. That and it hasn?t rained for a while, so it?d be nice to have just a little rain. Especially tonight.
Especially as you find yourself standing outside in a too rapidly for your tastes sobering haze, staring down at your feet instead of up at the building in front of you.
Rain would make the mood complete. Would make the scene complete.
You don?t know why you?re here except that you have no idea where else to go.
This isn?t what you want. Not what your mind wants. You know this is wrong, this is bad, this will not help.
You know that there are a million of other things you can do, should do, other than this.
But what is so wrong with stopping by.
Stopping in.
Saying hello.
You don?t want her to see you like this. You don?t want to dump this on her.
She told you not to dump this on her.
That?s not what she?s here for.
Hell, Lynn might not even be home.
You go into her apartment building, slowly taking the steps up to her place, your mind racing over what the hell you?re trying to do, trying to think, trying to accomplish.
You just need someone to talk to. Someone to lean on. Someone to offer a sympathetic ear.
You just need someone.
You are dependent upon that.
You stare at her door as you stand there for a few moments, staring at the patterns the paint made as it dried, the beads and the lines. It?s something else to think about, something else to focus on.
You raise your hand to knock on the door but hesitate, reconsider.
Why are you here?
You pull your hand away and shake your head, no, this is not right, this is not good.
She won?t want to hear this. This is not what you do to friends. To her.
You hear voices, you hear sounds behind the door, movement.
The door opens and you didn?t even knock.
Lynn?s smiling, looking back over her shoulder at first but then turns her head, sees you, stops, smile still wide.
She says hey.
She asks what?s up.
You say nothing, that you were just out and around, thought you?d drop by and see if she was in, what she was up to.
You see someone come up behind her, another guy, one you have not met yet, and you suddenly find yourself inexplicably embarrassed to be here.
As if you?ve caught her in the middle of something.
She says that they were just heading out to meet up with some folks.
She introduces you to the guy.
Jeff. The guy who owned the guitar.
You say that it is nice to meet him and wish you meant it.
Right now all you want is to leave.
You say that you?re sorry to have interrupted anything.
Lynn says no, that you haven?t interrupted a thing, that you should come along, they?re meeting up with Rachel and Bobby and others, Shannon will be there when she?s done with work, it?ll be a good time.
She?ll buy you a drink.
You say no, that you?ll be alright, that they should go on and you?ll be fine.
She tells you not to be an ass as she closes her door, to come along, and she puts her right arm through yours, her left through Jeff?s, and she starts leading you towards the stairs, towards the outside, towards company that you?d rather not have right now.
And you wish you never came here, never came up those steps and stood in front of her door.
You wish you were at home.
You wish she was at home.
You wish you were with her and that everything was fine.
But you know that isn?t happening.
Not now.
Maybe not ever.
And Lynn?s offer for that drink sounds better and better.
