Target. $8.99. Whitesnake. Warrant. Damn Yankees. Poison. Scorpions. Extreme. Skid Row. And oh so very much more. Whoever put this collection together deserves to be the Secreary of Awesome in the Department of Awesome in the Awesome Administration. This collection is setlist my hair ballad coverband will play every Friday night at every dive bar between here and infinity. It will make me millions. And you will all be able to say “I knew him when…”
UPDATE: It failed me! The version of “More Than Words” is not the full version full of picking and ooohhhh-ooohhhhing! Still awesome, but maybe it won’t be everybody’s Christmas present this year…
Badrose wants to talk sides:
How do I make cranberry sauce that doesn’t taste like … cranberry sauce? Can you give me a good recipe? Is there cranberry jell-o I could make in a cranberry mold?
What would you want cranberry sauce to taste like? I mean, I guess you could make cherry jello-o and call it “cherry sauce” and see if people are rude and call you out on it. Maybe cut the sauce with some grape kool-aid or Jameson. Unfortunately the only recipe I have for cranberry sauce is what Google Maps gives me for a route to the store to buy it in a can.
Why do I have to make something that I don’t want to eat? How will I know if I made it correctly when, made correctly, it tastes like sour crap?
Actually, that’s when you know you’ve made it right. Cranberry sauce is nothing but sour crap that people eat because they know that if they didn’t it would just pile up somewhere and contribute to global redding.
For anything else, just make it, put it out, and make other people eat it, then dare them to say something bad about it to your face as you are holding the knife with which you are chiseling at the overcooked (but still VERY delicious) turducken.
Am I only allowed one question?
You may ask as many as you’d like. I may sometimes give eight answers to a single question, this whole thing is so crazy like that!
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Jeremy Hinton has discovered the conspiracy:
Have you confessed to your friends yet your secret life as a Canadian MP?
It’s not so much that I have a secret life in that I am part of a collective of Jason Kenney’s. There’s the Cannuck, there’s the musician out of Georgia (where I was born, that should tell you something), there’s another that likes anime on Amazon, and others. I wasn’t aware of this until a few years ago when another Jason Kenney from California contacted me and asked if I’d like to join him in a crusade to find the others and determin why there were so many of us. Unfortunately the answer was a shock none of us were prepared for…
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Conservativa asks a very timely question:
Hi Jason,
Are you making this for Thanksgiving? If not, why not?
http://bacontoday.com/turbaconducken-turducken-wrapped-in-bacon/
Turducken is one of the greatest concotions to ever exist. It proves that not only is there a God but that he truly loves each and every one of us.
Yet I will not be dining upon it because I have had my awesome license suspended for the holiday season. Something about even bothering to listen to the new GnR album led to a raid by the awesome police last night and a lot of crying. Maybe for Christmas, though.
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Greg asks the question:
Do you really think you’d have a chance against Del. McClellan?
Honestly, aside from you asking me about a run last week, I haven’t really given it serious consideration. So I’ll instead open the floor to my readers:
What do you all think?
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Don Jon Devon is a fan:
1) Whatever happened to that guitar thing you used to do? Still playing?
I haven’t had much time to fiddle around for quite some time now. I’m actually quite bad, worse that before. It’s really really sad.
2) Any new recordings you might share with us, particularly ones ending in the patented Jason Kenney song ending method?
Not in a long while. Again, sad. Makes babies cry sad.
3) Furthermore, what would it take to hear a Jason cover of some Jonathon Coulton songs? Particularly Ikea, a song that fits the J we know so well
Jonathon Coulton’s pretty sweet, I may have to fiddle around just go do this.
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Hirons inquires:
Which came first . . .the chicken or the egg?
I would postulate that the egg came first, though it was laid by something similar to what we know now as a chicken but was not exactly so. We will call this momma creature X-icken. X-icken probably laid about a half a dozen eggs and sat on them and hatched ‘em and then wondered what was up with those two odd looking ones that certainly didn’t resemble X-icken or Mr. X-icken. Mr. X-icken was pretty upset and after beating up the milkchicken and mailchicken, turned to the bottle and, well, it was a horrible time for the X-icken family.
The two odd X-icken children, X-ickenette and Bob, felt unloved most of their lives, and ran off to be free from the abusive alcoholic father X-icken. Where exactly they went no body knows. Some say Nebraska. To avoid being found by their parents (who weren’t really looking for them anyway), X-ickenette changed her name to Chicken and Bob became Bob Jr. They had their own eggs of children that looked like them: plump, delicious chickens.
And they lived happily ever after.
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J.R. gets deep:
Jason,
Is there a God? And if so, why did he make fruitcake?
Yes, there is.
Why he made fruitcake depends on who you talk to. Fruitcaketarians believe God made fruitcake in his own image. But that’s just crazy. I mean, c’mon, these are people who feel nuts have no place in bread. Who could possibly buy into something like that?
But it is my belief that the existance of fruitcake is a test from God. Just like stone. If someone put a brick on a plate in front of you and handed you a fork, would you eat it? No. And you would past God’s test. Fruitcake, being a camoflaged brick, is God getting tricky and showing that he has a sense of humor. Being a forgiving God he won’t judge you if you eat it because he gets a good chuckle out of it.
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David “Wolverine” Garcia gets all weepy:
1. Why did you leave me? We were so could together…(looks at you longingly)
If I recall correctly, you were the one that left me. You broke my heart, David…
2. If you could only save one, which would you save 10,000 burning bunnies or 100 starving Haitians?
100 starving Hatians, who I would then enlist in saving the 10,000 burning bunnies.
3. Acid washed jeans? Awesome?
The opposite of awesome. Kinda like the new GnR album.
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Rittinger asks a serious questions:
Does Notre Dame fire Charlie Weis after this weekend? if so, who do they hire?
Sigh. Charlie Weis was a good idea, but his execution has left a little to be desired. I wouldn’t be surprised either way, letting him go or keeping him, but I have no idea who you’d replace him with.
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Shaun asks:
Jason — how do you make the hair silky smooth?
Milk in a hairnet which one should allow to sit on their head overnight. If that doesn’t work, let me know, I’ll laugh at you for trying it.
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Crystal Clear Conservative wonders:
So, what are your thoughts on the commercialism of Christmas? Do you think the retailers will come out in the black this year, instead of the predicted red?
Happy Thanksgiving!
I’m disappointed in the commercialization of Christmas but not entirely surprised. For my entire lifetime it’s been a retail bonanza, but for my family it has been more about getting together and enjoying each other’s company.
Will retailers do fine? I think so. I just worry it’ll be because of folks racking up their credit.
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Scott asks:
Hmmmm…
Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays?
What do YOU greet with and why?
Depends on when I’m saying it. Right now I’d say “Happy Holidays” because there are a few holidays between now and when it’s all said and done. “Merry Christmas” becomes the default as we get closer to Dec. 25th.
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It’s the Wednesday before Turkey Day! Ask me stuff!
If you’re feeling saucy enough, ask me questions and I’ll answer them. Maybe you want my opinion on something. Or maybe you’re wondering my philosophical feelings on pie. I dunno, toss me a bone and let’s see what happens.
Answers:
Happy Boxing Day!
Commercialized Christmas
Smooth As Silk
Touchdown Jesus!
Lovin’ You Is Easy Cause You’re Beautiful…
Life Is One Big Exam None Of Us Studied For
It’s Turkey Day, Not Chicken Day
Git-Fiddlin’
More Kenney for Delegate?
The Other Other Other White Meat
We Are Jason Kenney
