On The Sauce

Badrose wants to talk sides:

How do I make cranberry sauce that doesn’t taste like … cranberry sauce? Can you give me a good recipe? Is there cranberry jell-o I could make in a cranberry mold?

What would you want cranberry sauce to taste like?  I mean, I guess you could make cherry jello-o and call it “cherry sauce” and see if people are rude and call you out on it.  Maybe cut the sauce with some grape kool-aid or Jameson.  Unfortunately the only recipe I have for cranberry sauce is what Google Maps gives me for a route to the store to buy it in a can.

Why do I have to make something that I don’t want to eat? How will I know if I made it correctly when, made correctly, it tastes like sour crap?

Actually, that’s when you know you’ve made it right.  Cranberry sauce is nothing but sour crap that people eat because they know that if they didn’t it would just pile up somewhere and contribute to global redding.

For anything else, just make it, put it out, and make other people eat it, then dare them to say something bad about it to your face as you are holding the knife with which you are chiseling at the overcooked (but still VERY delicious) turducken.

Am I only allowed one question?

You may ask as many as you’d like.  I may sometimes give eight answers to a single question, this whole thing is so crazy like that!

(This is a response to “Ask Me Something“, a feature where you the reader gets to ask me the writer a question and I answer it. Feel free to join in.)