Ask Me Questions And I’ll Tell You No Lies
OK, so that’s not really how it goes. But it’s Wednesday. And Wednesday night is the night that we usually ask questions.
If you’re feeling saucy enough, ask me questions and I’ll answer them. Maybe you want my opinion on something. Or maybe you’re wondering my philosophical feelings on pie. I dunno, toss me a bone and let’s see what happens.
A plane crashes on the US/Canada border. Where do you bury the survivors?
- What’s the air speed velocity of an unladed swallow?
- Do these pants make me look fat?
- If you were in the Matrix (and you might just be) and Morpheous offered you the red or blue pill, which one would you take? That is, would you rather escape into a world where you were free, but the second and third films were made or exist in a virtual environment safe in delusion?
-Would you rather ride a motorcyle across the Asian steppe or take the Trans-Siberian train?
-Yes, Jerry, what is the deal with airplane food?
-If you could get away with it, who’s the one person in all of history you’d like to punch in the face?
-Do you prefer the traditional shoe-tying method or the “bunny ears”?
-How many questions do we get?
What exercises do you do that give you that “sweet, sweet ass” of yours?
Just curious.
Do your parents and girlfriend know you’re gay?
If all answers to questions are lies, and you always tell the truth, if you answer my question are you telling a lie?
And if they do know you’re gay, how did you go about telling them?
- Who?
- What?
- When?
- Where?
- Why?
- How?
Kthx.
-What really happens to you when you die?
-How do you really make String theory and 11 dimensional quantum physics play nice?
-Do you believe in the gravaton nano-particle?
-What’s your shoe size?
-Can you recite the Konami code on demand? Even after a dozen beers?
-Did you know my neighbor has two rabbits?
-Honestly, do you think the name “Vampire Weekend” was wasted on a band composed of trustfund babies who cruelly borrow from Paul Simon and set that influence to hipster beats? Or is it a fitting metaphor for a weekend which was so invigorating that it drains the life out of you?
-How do you take your coffee?
-Is there such thing as a productive conference call?
-Faster than Light travel, do you think it’s possible?
-Why is there a dog barking out back?
And why won’t Glenn Beck comment on the accusations that he raped and murdered a teenage girl in 1990?
What is your favorite Beatles song?
Jason, I know your greatness is understated, but could you at least state it enough to answer the questions? Come on man!
SRSLY, it’s been like 6 weeks!